


Would you rather?

by MothVolumnia



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Reibert - Freeform, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2018-02-11 21:57:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 22,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2084589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MothVolumnia/pseuds/MothVolumnia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reiner could feel the heat rising to the top of his ears hoping that Bertholdt wouldn't notice though that seemed unlikely given how close they were now; legs scrunched up to their backs, weight rested on one side, fingers an inch or two apart and heads tilted slightly.<br/>A puff of hot air brushed over Reiner’s face, the lids of Bertholdt’s eyes looked heavier and for a moment Reiner’s did too before he let out a cough and leaned backwards, lifting his hands over his head and stretching upwards. Bertholdt raised his head and shuffled backwards.</p><p>‘Uh, so would you rather –‘<br/> <br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Starburst

**Author's Note:**

> Bertholdt is only 85% sure Reiner doesn't have cooties.

A small pile of starburst lay on the ground, two red and one purple this was Reiner’s pile. Another pile, slightly bigger, consisted of three orange and two green that was Bert’s pile. A share-pack wedged between them filled with leftovers and a few wrappers, it was the final offering of their ritual. 

Every Saturday after being released from their parents clutches; once they had managed to open their front door, which was always accompanied by a final reminder of when dinner would be ready, they would meet up outside Bertholdt’s home. An easy task considering they lived directly opposite one other. A small bundle of houses tucked away near the edge of town which were practically identical down to the very last speck of off-white painted finish. 

Reiner would cross over to Bert’s house and then they would walk down to the end of their street, take a left and head down towards the local shop where they would purchase their usual share-pack of sweets. After which, they would instinctively head towards the park bypassing it to seat themselves in their usual hideaway spot; a makeshift shelter created out of strategically placed branches between two large pine trees, which helped to block out the rain that occurred during the colder months and spontaneously throughout the summer days. A great deal of care went into its maintenance, using bundles of smaller sticks to brush away stray leaves and pines, having managed to create their own trodden path that lead back to the park and another that headed right down towards the football pitches. A silent agreement had been made between everyone in their class that they had long outgrown the park though a lot of their classmates hung out around the football pitch instead these days or the old band stand. Their hideout remained safe as it was too far up the hill for most other kids to bother. They made sure not to litter and Reiner had even manage to swipe an old blanket from his linen cupboard for them to sit on, which Bert was surprised at first to find had been left completely untouched, though it was a bit worse for wear now and it would be an even greater surprise if one day they found someone had actually went to the bother of lifting it.

Not that it would have mattered, it had nothing to do with the location or the ‘décor’ it was the company that made it special. Bertholdt and Reiner rarely had time to be alone together lately; they’d been practically sewn at the hips before they were placed in different classes at the start of the year. It didn’t help matters that after-school activates consisted of football practice for Reiner and piano lessons for Bertholdt which made a good attempt at loosening the threading. 

But Saturday afternoons was theirs and honestly Bertholdt felt relieved that these moments existed at all.

Reiner was very sociable, friendly, funny, understanding and overall easy to be around. All of the things Bertholdt felt he wasn’t.  
For the first few weeks of term Bertholdt had been afraid that Reiner would make new friends in his class and leave him behind. So it was a relief that every morning when he opened the door, there Reiner was, waiting for Bertholdt to walk together to school. But the doubt hadn’t completely left his mind; they would be entering high school next year. 

 

Reiner had brought with him a can of fizzy orange juice which they passed between each other. There was a headache inducing brightness to the packaging which whilst stating to be ‘fizzingly good’ made no pretence to be anything but sugary carbonated badness. Still, it was Bertholdt’s favourite flavour and the one he had always picked before a long lecture by his mother (who had found a half drunk can left-over in the fridge) not be drinking ‘such rubbish!’. Reiner had urged him to buy the juice anyway and be more careful but Bertholdt didn’t like the idea of going against his parents orders like that. Well, he thought taking a swig ‘they said I wasn't allowed to BUY it and Reiner technically bought this’ swallowing down the slight sting of artificial flavouring he wiped his sleeve over the top of the can and passed it back to Reiner. Not that it particularly bothered Bertholdt, they seemed a bit too old to be worried about things like cooties but a lot of boys their age still made a big deal about such things. A part of him wanted to tell Reiner not to bother, he didn't have germs and he was pretty sure Reiner didn’t either but it seemed a strange thought somehow. Even so, he remembers how hurt he felt the first time they shared and Reiner had wiped vigorously at the mouthpiece before taking a drink for himself. A feeling that was outweighed the following week as Reiner had opted for the orange flavour over his usual sickeningly sweet strawberry flavour. Reiner had used it as a flavour ‘enhancer’ used to swirl three or four red starburst around in his mouth. The first time he had done it Bertholdt told him it was disgusting and Reiner responded by grinning and puffing out his cheeks and every week after he would make a show of the act almost choking with laughter every time Bertholdt grimaced. Still, when Bertholdt questioned him about the switch he shrugged and explained, ‘I like em’ both’. Whatever the reason it made Bertholdt smile. 

Reiner tapped at the top of the half-drunk can; it was his turn to ask a question. Their catch-up had settled into a game of ‘would you rather?’ an activity which always started as a relatively tame ‘this or that’ to warm up before delving into the more surreal and grotesque questions that even Bertholdt indulged in. 

"Hmmm" Reiner pursed his lip, face scrunched up hard in concentration. 

A sign that after years of observation Bertholdt had taken to indicate Reiner’s attempts to optimise his brain power, a face that he had seen during a fair few class tests. 

Bertholdt took the opportunity to revise Reiner’s face; his faint eyebrows, pink lips, the curve of his jaw that looked sharper than Bertholdt had remembered but still shied under a layer of puppy fat that matched his rosy cheeks. Reiner was taller than Bertholdt in fact Bertholdt he was a lot smaller than most boys in his class something he felt particularly bitter about. Reiner was also a lot wider than Bertholdt and weight was the one thing that Bertholdt knew Reiner felt insecure about. 

It happened when they were eight years old. The summer that Bertholdt had first moved in to town, they became friends fast and started spending most of their days playing together at the park. They had been sitting on the swings, minding their own business, when an older boy approached them:

"My turn next, you better not break the swing fatty" he told Reiner loudly, before walking back to his friends.  
Bertholdt’s face flushed with horror. Eyes scanning between Reiner and the older boy, he waited for Reiner to retaliate to say or do something but his eyes were glued to the ground. A few other kids sniggered, presumably the older boy’s friends but Reiner’s eyes stayed put his foot now pressing into a fallen leaf reducing it to mush. Both were silent for a moment before Reiner suggested that they head home. 

Bertholdt never brought it up again. 

As he cast his mind back he realised, Reiner has insecurities too, and maybe he was just as worried about starting high school as he was. Maybe he shared the same doubts, maybe he worried that Bertholdt would find new friends and leave him behind. 

As if.

Well, maybe…

"—ert"

But it was Reiner and apart from that one incident four years ago he had never once seen him doubt himself. 

"Bert…"

Of course he wouldn’t be worried. 

"BERT!" 

Reiner was leaning over, body twisted and all of his weight pushed onto his right arm over Bertholdt, a look of concern in his eyes.

"You okay Bert?" his voice was soft

Bertholdt throat tightened as he started to perspire, he knew full well that at least whenever Reiner was involved he became a lousy liar. Trust had never been an issue between the two; they’d always talked openly about everything as neither of them had any brothers or sisters they spoke to each other about personal matters but respected their boundaries and knew when not to pry. Bertholdt had never considered himself to be a ‘quiet’ child per say, as he’d soon often been told by crooning concerned parents and teachers, just selective of whom he interacted with and rarely took upon himself to speak up unless necessary but it was different with Reiner, thoughts would slip out his tongue before he’d formed them. 

"I was thinking about school" he began "about start back up and all the new people…and stuff…"

"And stuff?" 

"And stuff."

Reiner hummed as if he understood, they sat for a moment, the wind started to pick up and Reiner began to tug at a small blade of grass. 

"I’m not gonna’ like leave you or anything ye’ know?" Reiner said, still tugging at the grass. 

He rolled a few blades between his fingers before letting them fall and turned to find Bertholdt already facing him, eyes expectant and more brown than green now in the overcast. 

"That you might meet people a bit more…well, like you…" There was a slight pink tinge at the tip of Reiner’s ears as he made a vague motion with his hands that Bertholdt figured was meant to either represent him or some other mysterious blob-shaped person. 

'Like you’ Bertholdt wasn't sure what he meant but those words barely registered at the back of his mind as he leaned forward.

"I won’t" Bertholdt promised, perhaps a little too zealously. 

Reiner could feel the heat rising to the top of his ears hoping that Bertholdt wouldn't notice though that seemed unlikely given how close they were now; legs scrunched up to their backs, weight rested on one side, fingers an inch or two apart and heads tilted slightly.  
A puff of hot air brushed over Reiner’s face, the lids of Bertholdt’s eyes looked heavier and for a moment Reiner’s did too before he let out a cough and leaned backwards, lifting his hands over his head and stretching upwards. Bertholdt raised his head and shuffled backwards. 

"Uh, so would you rather –"


	2. Summer's Past

Bertholdt and Reiner had certainly kept their promise to one another. Neither of them had left. 

 

They were never too far apart; sitting behind or in front of each other in classes, eating at the opposite ends of the canteen, walking home from school on different sides of the road back to their houses that lay directly across from one another. 

No they hadn’t left each other; it was nothing as formal as that. 

 

There was no expiration date, no time that Bertholdt could pin-point as ‘the end’ it was more like a bookmark placed in between an old forgotten novel.  
One he’d never finished, it took effort to cast his mind back to when he’d last picked it up. To put the pieces together and if he stared long enough a few bits and pieces would slot back together but ultimately he’d always put it back down for another day letting them slide apart. 

Another day that was how it started, Saturday afternoons became less and less.

Maybe Reiner had a football tournament that weekend or Bertholdt had a piano recital or they had too much homework or were exams coming up soon. 

Or ‘Sorry Bert, one of the guys from class kinda already asked me to do stuff this weekend…so maybe next week yeah…?’ 

Yeah, sure… 

Maybe…

 

Well, they both did still see each other it was a little hard not to considering that they lived on the same street and went to the same school and took most of the same classes. 

Then there were those moments which transcending the awkwardness, the bitterness, the questions. 

The birth of Bertholdt’s little sister, a surprise to everyone even his mother who hadn’t realised she’d been pregnant until she was six months along. 

The death of Reiner’s father, a surprise to no one though he fought bravely against his stomach cancer. 

Both were pleasant to one another, exchanging a quick ‘hey’, ‘what’s up’, ‘how’s your mum been…?’ they were polite, they were agreeable, they were good neighbours. 

For a brief moment in fifth year Bertholdt thought that they might be able to get things back on track, start becoming friends again. 

A rare opportunity presented itself in their Physics class; the seats had been assigned by the teacher. Rows of desks with two stools at each all facing forward directed towards the board and as chance would have it they had been placed together becoming lab partners in the process. They’d sat at the back of the classroom, filled primarily of other boys though the class itself wasn’t big compared to biology and chemistry which seemed to be the more popular options. 

Bertholdt was hesitant at first after the excitement bubbled over he realised, a quick greeting or a small conversation with Reiner was not the same as having to spend almost an hour sitting beside him in class. It was sad, frustrating to feel so awkward around the person he’d once felt most as ease with. 

At first their conversation didn’t stray from classwork, they engaged in small talk if they had to peer-asses each other’s work or when Reiner had to ask Bertholdt to read aloud a word from the board. Reiner’s had been given glasses during second year but felt self-conscious and had never actually wore them to school tending to avoid the problem by sitting near the front of the class. 

As much as he struggled, Reiner had never once considered asking the teacher to move to the front of the class. 

It was a few weeks into the school term; they had a double physics lesson last thing on a Thursday, in the smallest lab available located at the furthest corner of the school.  
A small plastic fan was placed on the teacher’s desk pointed out towards the students. The heat was a little stifling; most of the boys had loosened their ties and rolled up their sleeves, not enough for Bertholdt who felt his legs twitching uncomfortably in his black polyester blended school trousers. 

Bertholdt’s fidgeting had brought about his attention to Reiner’s lack of movement. While his jotter was splayed open his pen was resting beside his right hand, his head cupped lazily on his left as he stared off into space. 

Bertholdt looked up at the clock above the classroom door, there was still over half an hour on their second and last period left. 

Stopping mid-sentence Bertholdt took a quick glance at Reiner’s profile; the distinct outline of his jaw, the faint curve of his Adam’s apple, his eyebrows as faint as he remembered. Bertholdt kept hold of his pen letting his eyes skim downwards to Reiner’s biceps; he had bulked out considerably in the past few years barely a trace of fat on him. On the other hand, Bertholdt had shot upwards currently standing a little over six feet, ignoring anything that felt vaguely like growing pains, he was the tallest in his class, most of the teachers and probably the whole school. 

Afraid of being caught Bertholdt eyes turned back to the board, he wasn’t entirely sure of what he was copying from the board as his inner-mind was too busy trailing down the faintly visible vein of Reiner’s forearm. 

Bertholdt felt a soft nudge against his elbow, as he looked down Reiner moved his arm over to reveal a little angry looking shark doodle. It had heavily shaded pointed eyebrows and a speech bubble with, ‘I’M SO BORED’ sliding out the shark’s mouth. Bertholdt held his laughter in his mouth as he began replying via shark doodle, a much sadder almost distressed looking shark that simply commented ‘me too…’ Apparently this was enough for Reiner as he turned over the page of his jotter to continue their conversation. These conversations continued every so often throughout the year as physics fast became Bertholdt’s favourite subject. 

A subject that was dropped as Bertholdt and Reiner continued on with their sixth and final year of high school. 

Bertholdt had decided to take a crash course in chemistry, thinking it would be best to gain another qualification in that area. 

There wasn’t as much pressure in sixth year, no legal obligation to stay a fair few of their classmates had left to pursue their own interests, subjects dropping from five to four, free periods and a common room for senior’s students only. 

Bertholdt still wanted to make the most of his time, applications for university wouldn’t start for months but he didn’t want to waste his last year taking unnecessary classes or mulling over unnecessary thoughts of himself and Reiner. 

He had done more than enough of that during the summer, much to his friend Annie’s annoyance, who had always asserted that Reiner ‘wasn’t worth it’ thought she didn’t know him personally. 

To which, Bertholdt would usually give a non-committal nod. 

Only once had he verbally responded, as Annie repeated those words from the beginning of summer again a week before they started back school. 

‘Please don’t let him ruin our last year of high-school, he isn’t worth it.’ 

A simple ‘yeah’ fell from Bertholdt’s mouth and as soon as it had he felt his heart clench and of all things it was the image of a younger Reiner swirling strawberry starburst and juice around in his mouth that appeared in Bertholdt’s mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bertholdt's mother was pregnant during the first chapter though no one knew.
> 
> Reiner's father passed away when he was 15.


	3. Morning Walks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Berwick is a German Shepard, deciding how to spell everyone's name makes me cry.
> 
> Also the tense is all over the place, i'm sorry.

Reiner felt a familiar pressure dipping into the side of his bed,

"No" he instructed lifting his head off of his pillow "Don't look at me like that Berwick" 

The deep brown pools of his German Shepard’s eyes pleaded eagerly in response hoping to will his master out of the warm comfort of his bed. He pushed his head face first back into his pillow and attempted to inhale every last ounce of heat from it,

"Fine" he exhaled

Berwick bounced excitedly from side-to-side in response. 

Reiner swung his legs around the side of his bed, giving his face a few quick slaps still not entirely awake. Every morning was the same; Reiner would wake up a few minutes before seven, the morning light seeping through his blinds granting him a natural rouse, unless Berwick had already gotten to him, then he’d put on some comfortable but presentable clothes and head out for a morning walk. They decided to adopt Berwick into the family last year, a little hesitant at first to bring anything living into their home to stay permanently but the decision was for the best. Reiner had always been vocal about his longing for a dog when he was younger but now it served as a great comfort to both him and his mother to have Berwick around when the other was out of the house. 

Slipping on a pair of white trainers Reiner headed out his room and downstairs with Berwick following closely behind, tail wagging vigorously. 

The living room door was open; his mother was splayed over the couch arm hanging off the side, snoring softly. 

Another twelve hour shift at the hospital, she was a nurse that specialized in working with people who had learning disabilities.  
Grabbing a blanket from the hall cupboard Reiner placed it gently over his mother, a pretty blond woman with small features; they didn’t look alike, he took after his father facially and in build, though he had his mother’s blond hair and copper coloured eyes. 

Softly, Reiner brushed a strand of his mother’s lose hair and tucked it behind her ear feeling a sense of guilt as he looked down at her. Their finances had been pretty tight after his father passed but they got by, just barely, but they got by and Reiner knew that she took those extra shifts just so she could cover any of his costs. It didn’t matter how many times he refused, saying that he didn’t need money because he had no plans that weekend, he wasn’t bothered about missing school trips or that it really hadn’t been that long since he bought new shirts and all his old ones still fit him anyway. All of this became routine and it ended with his mother either close to tears or screaming. 

Shutting over the living room door and grabbing the dogs leash Reiner patted his leg lightly to call on Berwick. Shutting the front door Reiner looked across the road and noticed that the curtains were still shut in Bertholdt’s house, he shot a sideways glance at Berwick, he wouldn’t be up either if he didn’t have to he mused remembering the warm comfort of his bed. 

Truthfully, Reiner enjoyed the walks as much as Berwick. There was a calm stillness to be found in starting the day at the same time as the sun, the only person he passed was a female jogger a little older than his mother he’d guessed. 

As they circled back and got closer to home Reiner let Berwick off of his leash, the German Shepard sprinted back to the door.  
Once he was back inside Reiner poured himself a bowl of cereal some off-brand healthy fruit and nut stuff, he leaned against the kitchen counter eating absent mindedly only vaguely aware of Berwick in the hall chewing on a squeaky rubber chicken. Slurping up the last of the now fruity milk he set the empty bowl aside and took his phone out of his pocket; he checked all of his usual sites first and eventually found himself of Bertholdt’s Facebook wall. It was pretty bare, Bertholdt rarely posted anything and his profile picture was over a year old, the most recent thing on his page was a video link sent from Annie telling him to check out a music video to some band Reiner had never heard of. Reiner set his phone down sighing, it’s hard to Facebook stalk someone who doesn’t use Facebook.  
Reiner washed out his bowl and headed upstairs to put on his uniform. 

The first few periods dragged by, double advanced math first thing in the morning must fall under some ruling of child cruelty.  
Letting out a yawn he headed upstairs past the language department to the senior common room. One of his friends and fellow seniors, Franz, was standing outside leaning against the wall talking to a tiny redheaded girl from the year below who was called Hannah. Passing by Reiner gave both of them a small nod of acknowledgement not wanting to disrupt their conversation, they both denied being an item though Reiner swore he could see little hearts floating around their heads. 

The common room was a standard class size with a few tables and chairs for anyone who wanted to sit and eat their lunch in there and a radio at the back which was always left on a generic chart station. 

Since it was their morning break it wasn’t too rowdy, everyone was scattered out at different tables chatting amongst themselves. Reiner spotted his own friends sitting at one of the larger tables at the back; it looked like Jean was in the middle of telling a story, he was sitting up on the table talking excitedly and waving his arms about from side-to-side holding his audience (which consisted of Marco, Samuel and Thomas) captive. 

Bertholdt was sitting engaged in a book sitting beside Annie who was talking to the only other friend Reiner knew of Mina. 

"Good morning" a familiar voice spoke in a sing-song manner

Krista, a small blonde girl that reminded Reiner vaguely of his mother, always immaculate, Reiner guessed that she must get up as early as he did each day to get herself looking so effortlessly put together. They’d grown close during their third year of school after being partnered up together for a short drama piece, Reiner had never really spoken to her before but he’d hear a lot of the other guys say things about her, a few in the P.E changing rooms he really wished he hadn’t and felt himself fizzing with anger whenever he thought back to those comments. After breaking the ice they started to talk casually outside of class, then at small intervals during lunch till eventually time passed, maturity came and Krista became part of his group of friends.

Honestly, he would go as far as to consider Krista one of, if not, his best friends. Krista was the only person he allowed to visit him following the weeks that his father passed away, her support during that time is something he’d never forget. A lot of rumors had started about them and they’d become something of a topic of conversation within their circle of friends even now, it turned into a bit of a running joke at this point (almost as much as teasing Franz about Hannah).Both of them denied it of course, though Reiner sometimes wondered if Krista did have feelings for him or if she worried that he had feelings for her but he’d never gotten that impression.

Then sometimes when his mind wandered he wondered himself if he did have feelings for her.  
Krista was pretty, the prettiest girl he knew inside and out, he felt comfortable around her so logically he should right? Everything got confused in his mind when he thought about it for too long. 

"Morning" he smiled 

They exchanged a brief hug then walked back over to their table of friends. 

Ymir, a tall freckled girl who appeared as a package deal with Krista, had now joined in the conversation with Jean and the others. 

Reiner and Krista left them to it and took a seat beside one another; Krista pulled her hair over to one side and twisted her body round to face Reiner. 

"My parents are going away for the weekend so I was thinking of having everyone round this Saturday, what do you think?" she asked

"Yeah, that sounds good" he replied

"Feel free to invite anyone you want, I’m going to say to Eren and the others too" 

Reiner raised an eyebrow that seemed an odd thing to say who else would he invite to what seemed to be a fairly intimate get together? 

Krista was not-so-subtly pointing her head in Bertholdt’s direction; she was the only person that knew how close the two once were, which may or may not have something to do with a soppy heart-to-heart between the two the very first time he’d ever been drunk at one of Jean’s house parties. 

"Come on Krista"

"Don’t you come on me mister" she sassed "you never know unless you ask" 

The bell rang ending their conversation as everyone began collecting their things and heading out the common room to their next class.

"Just think about it" she added slinging her bag over her shoulder 

Ymir had crept up beside them,

"Reiner" she greeted 

"Ymir" he replied 

They nodded at one another, Ymir extended out her arm inviting Krista to lead the way to their next class chatting as they walked off together. 

Tech and design was his next class; a crash course that consisted of fifth and sixth years, he’d see Connie there both of them took it as an intended blow-off class but become embarrassingly into it. 

Grabbing his bag from the floor he noticed Bertholdt doing the same, their eyes met, as they exchanged a sheepish smile. 

In that moment Reiner knew he wasn’t going to invite Bertholdt, he was too cowardly for that.


	4. Hook em' Horns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little longer than the other chapters, I still don't feel like things are exactly kicking off but I wanted to include pre-party stuff. 
> 
> Also, I was so tempted to just name Bert's little sister Bertha or something.

Connie’s grin spread from ear to ear:

"Isn’t it beautiful" he said, voiced filled with awe 

"Stunning" Reiner replied dryly

"Just spectacular…"

Connie stepped back admiring the bird-shaped wooden clock he had created as a part of their final tech and design project for the year, it was supposed to be a miniature prototype but Connie had grown attached to the piece. 

Everyone in class had a portfolio filled with various clock designs, (some years it was clocks, some years it was spice-racks really whatever the teacher chose from the list that year) they had to pick one or two to create and then develop those into a final project.  
Connie seemed to be basking in the design aspect going for recurring ‘animalistic’ themes, Reiner had already seen several well rendered designs for bear, a hippo and a giraffe clocks but birds seemed to be his current obsession. 

On the other hand Reiner was going for a more minimalist feel to help highlight his skills at creating rather than designing, he’d always been good with his hands but not particularly creative. The only ‘artsy’ subject he’d ever gotten good marks for was drama, surprising himself by how much he had enjoyed it. Having Krista in the class certainly helped, it was there that they had first officially met each other but Reiner was far too self-conscious to pursue it any further and dropped it when it was no longer compulsory. Their teacher seemed a little distressed every time he peeked over Connie’s desk or workbench to monitor his progress. Each time he found himself sighing, secretly hoping that he had abandoned his giraffe inspired clock but Connie seemed blissfully unaware to the matter even after the first prototypes neck had snapped off. 

"You know" Connie began "this may be my best creation yet, I could go down in school history for this wooden wonder." 

"Wooden wonder?" Reiner repeated he raised his eyebrow but let it slide "Doubtful, if you’re gonna be remembered for anything it’ll be that clay explosion in your art class last year."

The whole school had heard about that one; Connie’s clay figure had been the sole survivor of the class, the rest having been blown to smithereens. 

"That was a set up!" Connie protested, "Me and Sasha suspect it was Hitch" 

Hitch was a bobbed haired, sour looking girl in the year below Reiner who was as outspoken as Connie and Sasha but in a far less playful manner, she was known to blurt out outrageous statements, make wild accusations and try to upstage classmates and even teachers. Clearly jealous of the positive attention that Connie and Sasha received for their antics from their classmates and a few teachers that enjoyed their commentary as long as it didn’t become disruptive to lessons. 

Reiner was certain that if it was in fact a ‘set up’ that Hitch was the likely culprit. 

Still, it was fun to tease the two about. 

"Whatever you say detective" Reiner shrugged 

Connie made a noise of frustration but went back to polishing his clock, face dropping in concentration. Picking up a ruler Reiner pretended to take measurements, he had plenty of work to do but his mind was wandering.The teacher’s back was turn to their work bench, helping a group of two boys and a girl who were asking for design advice. 

"So…" Reiner drawled out 

Connie’s head sprang up immediately, it didn’t matter how absorbed he got in his work if there was a chance for a chat he’d drop whatever he was doing. 

"Krista told me she’s having us all up on Saturday, you game?" 

"Right on" Connie nodded, adopting his best surfer boy persona and pulling his hands into a pair of hook em’ horns.

Reiner smiled but let his eyes wander, he wasn’t sure why he felt so nervous about the coming Saturday. Usually, they’d get together at least every other weekend at someone’s house and every now and then one of the seniors in Reiner’s year that had already turned eighteen would buy drink. 

"You okay?" Connie asked

Perceptive as always, as much as Connie clowned around he was sensitive to those around him. 

Blinking his eyes back into focus Reiner nodded and stretched out a bigger smile,  
"Yeah, yeah" nodding a little too forcefully 

Deciding it was time to get back to work he picked up his ruler and began to take measurement for real this time, he felt Connie’s eyes linger on him for a second before he returned to his own work. 

\---

Saturday mornings, the sun peeked in through the crack in Reiner’s curtains. 

There was never any time to lie in, even Berwick was sound asleep curled up snoring in his bed, guess he would have to take him for a walk once he got home. 

Reiner worked at the local gym; Mondays and Wednesdays after school and Saturday mornings helping to teach children’s classes along with a few other senior members of the gym. Just light classes, the purposes wasn’t really to train the children or make them exceptionally good at sports, the Saturday morning classes were for junior kids between five and eight. Really, it was more for the team building aspect, gathering children from all of the schools within the catchment area and bringing them together to build their confidence and make friends, that kind of stuff. 

Waking up early on the weekends was a bit of a pain but definitely worth it, the children were always buzzing with energy first thing in the morning and desperate to share their stories from the week past. 

Not one to brag, Reiner knew he was a personal favourite of many of the children that attended, it helped that he was a fair bit younger than the other workers who were full-time employees of the gym and more accustomed to teaching teens and adults.  
He’d never considered himself overly fond of children before he got the job but he began to find their smiles contagious and silly stories hilarious. 

Reiner arrived a little after nine; he gave a small wave to the older greying woman behind reception and headed towards the staff locker room to dump his bag. The main gymnasium was a multi-purpose space, a large open area with basketball hoops attached at each end of the hall and benches pressed against the walls. All sorts of lessons were taken there during the week, mostly for children and senior members of the community, it wasn’t a particularly large sports centre but it was well looked after. There was a fully furnished gym upstairs that Reiner used to work out after school most Tuesdays and Thursday, average sized swimming pool and even a sauna so he couldn’t complain. 

A few sets of nets had already been hung, badminton then he guessed. 

Some children were already waiting outside with their parents; whenever they caught Reiner’s eyes they gave frantic little waves.  
At twenty past the one of the full-time employees opened the doors and let the children and parents into the hall, children bounced and plodded into the gymnasium depending on their level of enthusiasm. 

Many of the parents would take a seat at the side to stay and watch the lesson, others sat out in the café and then there were those who disappeared only returning shortly before the hour was over. 

Setting down a basket of shuttlecocks Reiner looked up laying his eyes on a particularly tall six year old Brienne; she was Bertholdt’s younger sister and had been attending the classes since she turned five. At first, the other members had a hard time treating her as one of the younger members due to her height but Reiner had known her all his life and knew that she was just a naïve bubbly child like any other.

Reiner hadn’t spotted her mother Mrs.Fubar at the door; she usually dropped her off and then left to attend minor errands. 

Brienne took after her mother in looks; a darker complexion than Bertholdt, deep brown eyes and black hair that went down to her hips which seemed to be permanently tied back in a single braid. There was no doubt though that she took after her father in personality, bubbly and a little eccentric. 

Skipping over towards Reiner with racket in hand, she had on an out of season bright red top with a penguin on the front, one too many love heart shaped clips holding her loose hair back and clashing purple checked shorts. Stopping short of Reiner’s feet she stomped on the sport and crossed the racket over her chest as she bowed down a little. 

"Good morning sir" Brienne giggled through her fake English accent 

"Good morning madam" Reiner bowed back in return 

To say that the rest of the lesson went off without a glitch would have been a downright lie that just wasn’t how Saturday morning classes went; you had to expect chaos with a large group of children given access to a large open space and rackets. 

More than half of the shuttlecocks they started off with were lost that day. 

Reiner had worked up a sweat himself running after them; Brienne was running around helping him too. Parents had already started flooding back in to collect their children, Reiner still couldn’t see Mrs.Fubar who was nothing but punctual in all circumstances. 

A little concerned Reiner asks, "Is your mum not picking you up this week?" 

Reaching down to pick up a shuttlecock Brienne replies, "mummies away for business this weekend, Bert’s picking me up" 

By the time Bertholdt arrived everyone else had left, Reiner and Brienne were the only two left in the gym passing a softball between each other as the other employees started preparing for their next class. 

The gym door creaked open and Bertholdt’s head popped in looking as nervous as Reiner felt seeing him so casually. 

"You’re late!" Brienne dropped the ball and put her hands on her hips 

"Sorry Bri" Bertholdt pulled his best puppy-dog face as he approached 

"late, late, late!" Brienne shook her head ‘but that’s men for you eh?’ she directed at Reiner who she apparently didn’t consider a man. 

Reiner tried his best not to smile; it was clearly something she had picked up possibly trying to imitate her mother and not something she actually understood. 

Blushing Bertholdt ducked his head and scratched at the tip of his right ear, 

"Uh hey" Bertholdt offered 

"Hey" Reiner replied 

They stood close looking directly at one another, it had been a while. 

‘mummies away for business this weekend’ Reiner remembered

If that was the case Bertholdt would definitely be allowed to go to Krista’s party, his mother was an intimidating lady and would no doubt be suspicious of a ‘party’ of youngsters she’d never heard her son talk about before. His dad on the other hand, well it wasn’t that he cared any less about Bertholdt’s safety but was genuinely a little naïve for a forty-something year old man. On hearing the word ‘party’ or ‘get together’ he was much more likely to envision an evening of board games and crackers by the fire not the possible coercion of sex and drugs his mother feared. 

Still, there was no way Bertholdt would want to spend his Saturday night boozing with Reiner and his friends. Probably thought it was stupid, probably had plans with Annie or something so there was no point asking anyway. 

The more Reiner reasoned in his head the more he felt himself tensing up. 

Brienne stood between them, scuffing her shoes on the shiny gymnasium floor the squeaking bringing Bertholdt and Reiner out of their dazes. 

"Um, I hope she wasn’t too much of a pain today"

"Hey!" Brienne nudged her older brother in the stomach 

"Well…" Reiner let out a loud exaggerated sigh recalling all the shuttlecocks to the eye he had taken that session  
"Hey!" Brienne nudged Reiner 

They both laughed at each other, Bertholdt stood a little awkwardly feeling as if he was missing something as they shared a moment. 

Giggling Brienne ran off to collect her bag and jacket from the benches along the wall. 

"See you next week Reiner!" Brienne called back as she skipped out of the hall 

"Uh, see you later" Bertholdt waved

"See you later"

Reiner picked up the last of the shuttlecocks and headed back to the locker room, plugging in his headphones he started to walk home. Exhaling, the buzz from that mornings class had started to wear off, he went over his plans for the afternoon; he’d have to walk Berwick, take a quick nap, jump in for a shower, make dinner and get ready to head to Krista’s. 

He could see this far enough.


	5. Yes Ma'm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt the chapter was getting a little long so I've cut it in half :-) 
> 
> sorry for not posting in a while, uni and work keep me busy so the only days I have free are Tuesday/Fridays

Groggy and disoriented, that’s how Reiner felt when he awoke. An odd hour and a half nap, the type where he felt worse off at first and not entirely sure of what planet he was currently occupied. 

Reiner stretched up cracking his back; ‘party’ was his first thought as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, a quick shower would help wash away the grogginess. Grabbing a fresh towel Reiner jogged downstairs, Berwick was wound up tightly sleeping sound in his bed (satisfied from his earlier exploration of the local park). 

Having turned the shower’s dial round Reiner began to take off his clothes, leaving them on the cold cream-tinted tile floor, he stretched out a hand to check the temperature. Moderately warm, he hopped in fully. 

He stood for a moment with his eyes shut, facing the shower head just letting the water spray his face. Opening his mouth, he let the water trickle down his chin. Blinking the water out of his eyes he unhooked his shower gel from the shower holder and squirted a generous amount onto his mesh green sponge. Reiner let out a sigh as he scrubbed over his shoulders, still feeling a little off. Maybe it was the prospect of leaving school, he was pretty certain with what he wanted to do with himself once he left; he had been for a long time. Sports had always been important to him; his old goals were still lying in the shed amongst an old pool table, a bike, rollerblades and numerous boxes with faded marker scribbled over them. Reiner remembers playing outside with those goals; his dad would always standing in them and leaping comically in one direction or the other. It wouldn’t take much effort to apply to a few colleges and he already had a pretty sufficient amount of experience. Going to college would be a pain though; he’d rather be able to find full time work straight away. Probably time to whip up a CV, just to be able to bring in consistent money, he hated the thought of staying at home and not being able to help his mum out with the bills and other expenses. He was pretty sure the sports shop in the Trost shopping centre was hiring, he’d have to check it out. 

Everything was settled, in that respect. It was everything else that started to seem a little hazy these days. Reiner felt a little distanced from his friends, they weren’t behaving any differently, it wasn’t all the time just every now and the. In the midst of things he’d feel like an observer, of his friends and of himself. Rarely did he see his mother these days and when he did she was usually too tired from work to talk for too long. 

He wanted someone to talk to, what about he wasn’t sure, it didn’t matter. 

He missed Bertholdt. He missed his dad. 

Rinsing off the rest of his shower gel, Reiner gave his growing crew cut a quick wash with his mint scented shampoo. Stepping out of the shower he reached for his towel to wrap round his waist, he heard one of the drawers in the kitchen closing over as he brushed his teeth. At some point during his shower his mum must have gotten home from work, there were a few shopping bags still on the counter as she started to prepare dinner. 

"Hey, what’s cookin" Reiner smiled as he finished pulling his t-shirt over his head

"Spaghetti bolognas" she sighed 

Reiner had his back facing his mother as he unpacked the remainder of their weekly shop. 

"You okay?" 

Reiner knew better than to ask about work directly, it was one thing they agreed to leave at the workplace. 

"Yeah, just-yeah" she sighed draining the pasta in the sink "Any plans for tonight?"

"Yeah"

Feeling his mother’s eyes on his Reiner turned around; she was standing with one hand on her hip, the other tapping the side of the kitchen counter and eyebrow quirked up. There were strands of blonde hairs sticking out of her low, now messy, bun. 

"To Krista’s" he elaborated 

"Ah" she smiled "and is there anyone else going to Krista’s?" 

Reiner’s brows twitched together, the implication of her words annoyed him. It was easy to laugh off suggestions and innuendos with his friends but he found filtering himself around his mother a lot more difficult. Luckily she hadn’t noticed her son’s grimace, as she went to pour the pasta into the sauce. 

"A few"

She let out a puff of air, unsatisfied with her son’s evasive answers. 

"How do you plan on getting there and back?" she questioned

Neither of them could drive, it had always been his dad that escorted the family everywhere. After he passed, his car sat in the driveway for a few months until they eventually sold it. The money was needed and opening the door every day and seeing it sitting their unused only served as an unpleasant reminder. 

"Marco’s going tonight, said he’d give a lift to anyone that needs it and I’ll just take the bus up there." 

Marco had been the first of their friends to pass his test; he’d been driving for a little over a month now. The freedom and excitement of driving on his own was still fresh and not being much of a drinker was happy to be the designated driver. Unfortunately he was working till half eight tonight and so agreed to meet everyone up at Krista’s house later. Krista’s house was still at the other side of town and still a good ten minute walk from the nearest bus stop but it was better than walking. Reiner would have to send Connie and Sasha a text to see if they were getting the bus up too. 

"Will you be drinking?" she inquired 

Reiner knew better than to even attempt bullshitting her ‘Yeah, probably’ 

"Alright" she set out two bowls and turned around "As long as you’re in someone’s house but I don’t want you going overboard. I don’t want you stumbling in here at stupid o’clock in the morning but if you are going to be late remember to take your keys with you." 

"Yes ma’am" 

"And your phone. Fully charged" 

"Yes ma’am"

She flashed a smile, "Here, grab a bowl" 

Reiner was grateful for how much his mother trusted him and how close they were. Truthfully, he’d always been more of a ‘daddy’s boy’ when he was younger. 

They headed into the living to sit and eat, there was a table in the kitchen but they never sat there anymore. What with there being just the two of them. 

Finishing off dinner Reiner headed upstairs to change out of his t-shirt and joggers, replacing the white top with a short-sleeved navy blue polo shirt, black jeans and trainers. 

All of his clothes were pretty basic, avoiding patterns or prints. It wasn’t that Reiner didn’t care about such things; he could spend a good twenty minutes deciding between two near identical white t-shirts or denim jeans a shade or two darker than the other. 

\---

Connie and Sasha were already waiting for Reiner at the bus stop hands full with bags, most likely filled with junk. 

Walking a bit closer Reiner took a peek inside, Yep filled with junk. 

"Are we really gonna eat all that?" Reiner laughed looking at the ridiculous amount of food they’d crammed in their bags. 

"I don’t know about ‘we’ but me and Connie are devouring this lot as soon as we get to Krista’s." Sasha’s grin was toothy and slightly manic.

Sasha, the clay-accomplice and Connie’s best-friend-possibly-girlfriend-no-one’s-really-sure, was wearing one of her many long-sleeved jersey tops. It had a print of cat wearing shades and the phrase ‘cattitude’ on it. Her mousy brown hair, usually tied back, was down and tucked behind her ears. 

Connie had on an equally, if not stranger, t-shirt on which looked like a walrus dressed as an astronaut but Reiner couldn’t really tell over the yellow zipper he was wearing. 

Reiner wasn’t one to stray out of the polo-shirt and jean combo plus it was hard to wear print top like that in his size without the image stretching. 

Six minutes passed before the next bus arrived. It was relatively quite this time of night as all of the working commuters were already home, they managed to grab three seats at the back of the bus. 

A short walk from the bus stop later and they were outside the gates of Krista’s house. It was located on the outskirts of this town and the next, a patch of land among the open fields. A detached grey-stone finished country house. There was a small set of stables by the side of the house, were Krista kept her beloved horse Maria. 

They arrived little after half past seven; a few others were already there. 

Everyone had migrated to the open planned kitchen, the largest room in the house. A mixture of old and new, all of the cabinets and counters were original features of the house that Krista’s parents had repaired. Nice and homely but with the addition of brand-new fitted lights a centre island, currently buried in food and drink and other fittings. The room doubled as a sitting area, a three seater sofa and flat screen TV fitted on the wall. 

Eren was busy fiddling with the music playing from the docking station, the music was unfamiliar and sounded a little melancholy presumably his own and definitely not Krista’s.

"Would you turn that shit off Yeager? Christ didn’t come here for this depressing shit." Jean yelled from the couch, next to a concerned looking Armin. 

Armin was another fifth year, a short blond boy. One of Eren’s best friends he was usually seen alongside him and Eren’s adoptive sister Mikasa (who didn’t appear to be at this particular gathering). 

Eren just flipped him off, as Thomas who was attempting (and failing) to throw a mini-pretzel in his mouth was standing by one of the kitchen counters peered over to see in the situation would develop. 

Waltzing in from the hall, Sasha raised her arms bags almost topping over 

"Where my party people at?" she announced followed by Connie to a warm response by the room. 

Reiner was about to enter the room until he heard footsteps coming down the stairs, a slightly dishevelled looking Krista was patting down her hair followed by Ymir. 

"Reiner!" Krista skipped over the last step greeting Reiner with a hug

"Reiner" Ymir nodded nonchalantly 

"Ymir" Reiner nodded back with his hands still around Krista’s waist 

Holding onto Reiner’s hand Krista led him into the kitchen behind Ymir.

Her hand was warm, Reiner gripped it slightly as they walked through.


	6. No problem there

8:36pm: There was a definite buzz amongst the group now.

A fair amount of alcohol had been consumed and Sasha (true to her word) had demolished all of the food she and Connie had brought along with them along with some of the goodies Krista had left out. 

Everyone had scattered; Jean must have moved from the coach when Marco arrived from his part-time job. They were now standing by the white patio doors, openly slightly as Jean had light up a cigarette.

Eren was now accompanied on the couch by Sasha and Thomas having an equally animated but not as aggressive conversation.

Letting go of Reiner’s hand Krista and Ymir walked over to the kitchen island where Connie and Armin were standing pouring themselves another drink. 

A mild murmur filled the living area: the music coming from Eren’s iPod, the clinking of glasses, the sloshing of mixtures and alcohol, the barely audible wind coming from the open door, the general chatter. 

Everything felt more like a vivid dream than reality. 

Eyes blinking heavily, Reiner mentally adjusted himself as he approached the kitchen counters. Hands sweating slightly, he tried as subtly as possible to rub them slightly against his leg. Back against the kitchen counter, he mindlessly grabbed a few crisps from the bowl beside him to occupy himself. Throat tightening he scanned the room, he watched his friends, broken off into their own little groups. Mind beginning to space out he heard Krista offer,

"Another?" she raised the bottle of rum

"Nah" Reiner raised an unfinished cup of rum and coke "I’m good thanks" he smiled. 

Krista smiled in return, it dropped but her eyes lingered on Reiner’s for a moment before she turned to hand Ymir her cup. 

"Krista!" Jean’s voice cut through, what Reiner felt, was awkward tension before it had time to settle "C’mere" he wiggled his finger to call her over. 

Taking a sip from her cup she settled it back down on the counter and headed over. Ymir scoffed in Jean’s general direction, either for diverting Krista’s attention from herself or for calling her over like a Labrador. A mixture of both Reiner reckoned. 

To his surprise Ymir picked up her cup and leaned back against the counter alongside him at the edge of the kitchen counter. 

Holding the shared (and much desired) title of Krista’s ‘best-friend’ the two had an unspoken mutual respect for one another. If only, at first, under the presumption that anyone Krista associated so closely with couldn’t be such a bad person. Even if said associate did frequently inspect her teeth openly after lunch or this new ‘friend’ that is a ‘boy’ but most certainly not a ‘boyfriend’ did occasionally smother himself in aftershave.

Aside from greeting, nods and a few stilted conversations the two hadn’t spent any time alone together. 

A few moments passed without a word being exchanged and Reiner began to feel self-conscious. 

His right arm, which he was leaning back on, began to go numb and as he went to reposition himself upright his hand slipped slightly on the damp surface of the counter below and his left instinctively reached out and latched onto Ymir’s wrist. 

"Woah" Ymir’s usual stony expression looked startled "Feeling a bit tipsy are we Braun?" 

Reiner simply forced a breathy laugh in return, standing upright. Luckily no one seemed to have noticed, Armin and Connie had already went back to sitting on the couches opposite Eren. 

"Don’t get any ideas, hands where I can see ‘em" Ymir half-joked.

"No problem there" Reiner thought and then coughed to clear it as his face began to redden. 

It wasn’t as if Ymir could have read his thoughts or have found them as odd as he did. In fact he’d be in more danger of a painful physical beating for the insulting implications of his words rather than a vocal interrogation over their ambiguity. 

Reiner began to give Ymir a one-over; tall, athletic build, tan skin, dark hair and eyes.

Actually, Ymir was quite attractive.

"Hey, I was only half-joking" the light had left her eyes, her nostrils flared. 

Maybe she could read minds. 

"We’re out of mixer" Krista’s voice announced behind them.

"Oh" Reiner said dumbly 

"You need me to go pick some up?" Ymir offered

"No, that’s alright" she politely decline, "Actually, I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind going with me Reiner?"

A brief look was exchanged between the girls that Reiner couldn’t read. A little confused but not wanting to push the matter further Reiner agreed. 

"Don’t worry, I’ll look after these clowns" Ymir gestured towards the living area their friends had currently taken over. 

\---

The sun had set hours ago; it took a few moments for their eyes to adjust as there were few sources of light this far up in town. Plenty of stars though. The sky had a pink tinge to it. Luckily, the closest shop was only fifteen minutes away on foot through the windy country lose chip covered roads behind Krista’s house. Open 24hours, it didn’t have much a few aisles of basics: bread, milk, sugar but a few 2liters of juice was all they needed. 

A cutting wind had settled on the night, Krista had the good sense to cover her floral dress and calf-high boots combo with a pink pastel princess shaped coat. 

For the first few minutes of their journey they exchanged their usual pleasantries; Reiner asked how ballet practice was going, Krista asked how the kids were that morning catching up with how the other was in general. 

She fell silent after that, staring at her feet, kicking a few loose stones. 

"You okay?" 

"Yeah" she nodded, eyes fixed on her shoes "Just thinking."

Not a single person was in the shop, the small hum coming from the speakers above was the only sound that filled the floor. 

A redheaded boy sat behind the counter flipping through a magazine once he noticed there were customers, or rather once he recognised Krista, he stood up from the stool and waved. The boy (who Reiner had seen before but name escaped him) began to busy himself behind the counter with a slight blush whilst sneaking a few glances up at Krista. 

Deciding to play it safe they picked up a few bottles of coke and lemonade, everyone tended to get less fussy as the night went on. 

After a painfully slow talk with (as his nametag revealed) ‘Al’, who asked Krista about every personal aspect of her life he could think of and then doubling their bags, even though he’s ‘not technically suppose to’ they finally left the shop. 

"I can carry both bags" Reiner offered 

"Oh no its-" Krista flipped her right foot, the laces of her boots dangling "could you" she handed the bag over to Reiner and sat down at a nearby bench to re-tie her shoelace. 

She had already finished tying her shoe by the time Reiner sat down beside her but she hadn’t made any attempt to move. Krista sat still, tucking a piece of blonde hair behind her ear, revealing a small silver rose shape stud earing. Just as quickly, she untucked the strand. 

"Krista?" Reiner wasn’t sure how to read the mood that had settled between them during their walk. 

In spite of appearances and popularity Krista was a quiet girl. A friendly, kind and socially-apt girl but a quiet one, though that didn’t always appear to be the case; Krista would talk to anyone, spend time with anyone, make time for anyone. Truthfully, there were few people she held highly in her heart. The two had been close for a long time now but Reiner still knew next to nothing about her family, the only time she had people at her house was when they were away. Krista, on the other hand, was practically an adoptive daughter (or prospective daughter-in-law) of his mothers. 

"Reiner" she tucked back her lose strand of hair, "there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you"

He froze; the first thought that entered his head was that someone had gotten Krista pregnant but he cleared that from his mind as fast as possible before he went into a blind rage over what potential ‘Al’ he might have to deliver a beating to. 

Leaving her hair untouched she told him, "Ymir is my girlfriend". 

"Oh" was all he said at first, "Okay" and that was all he could think to say.

Okay, Ymir was Krista’s girlfriend. Krista was Ymir’s girlfriend. They were girlfriends. 

Another brilliant deduction thanks to ‘Braun’s brains’ but apparently that was all his brain had to say on the matter.

"Thanks" Reiner said "for telling me"

Krista’s face light up, there was a gleam in her clear blue eyes. 

Because he was thankful that Krista, guarded as she was, had chosen to trust and share this news with him.

"So, have you told anyone else?"

Her face fell, "Just my parents". 

"What’ they say?"

She shrugged, "not much". 

Her face was hidden now.

There was not point trying to push it further, she barely spoke about her parents at the best of times. 

Reiner reached out, placing his hands gently on her shoulders; in return she stretched out and ducked her head into his chest. 

"I’m sorry" she let out a sigh of relief.

"What have you got to be sorry for?" he said patting her head.

"I was scared, to tell you. I thought I wouldn’t be, you aren’t them but I was still scared."

"You don’t need to be afraid to tell me anything" 

"Thank you Reiner"

"Y’know" Reiner paused "I thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant"

That got a laugh, Krista leaned back and to Reiner’s surprise there were no tears in sight. 

"It’ll be scary, every time will be scary but - I’ll be braver" she said. 

\---

"I’m telling you we aren’t going to last till 6 a.m." 

Bertholdt and Annie were sitting on the floor of Bertholdt’s bedroom; blackout curtains drawn, laptop open, an array of food around them like a summoning circle. The only source of light came from the glow of the laptop screen and a tall lamp standing beside his bookshelf. His was the second largest bedroom of the three in the house (his parents in the largest and his little sister, by default, in the smallest) a clean but crowded room. Every inch of it was filled to the brim with books, DVD’s and CD’s, the only open surface was the desk he used to study. 

It was a typical night in for the pair; they spent most weekends nestled up somewhere playing or watching something. There were even times they’d just sit together and let the other get along with their own activities. 

They complimented each other in that respect and so, both left on their own, they naturally pulled together. 

Bertholdt couldn’t recall exactly when it had happened both of them sat alone during breaks and lunch until one day they hadn’t. An unspoken agreement had fallen upon them, now they sat together during breaks and lunch, class too if the seating wasn’t assigned, even if silence fell between them it was nice to have company. It hadn’t been an immediate connection, Bertholdt still worried over upsetting Annie and having her decide to sever their relationship. Even now, there have been times he found himself sliced by her sharp-tongue or unable to see the sarcasm in her flippant remarks but Annie had her own ways of reassuring Bertholdt that no, he didn’t annoy her and if he did he’d know about it.

"I got this" Annie said. 

She was hunched over, body engulfed by her over-sized grey hoodie. The glow of the screen reflected off her fair features and slightly large nose, 

"We’ve still got 24% battery." 

The sound of footsteps approaching the door had both of their eyes rolling. It was followed by a soft knocking on the door, barely waiting for a response the door open and there was Bertholdt’s mother.

"Hello" she chirped "Just wanted to make sure you two were okay" her eyes darted between the two and then around the room looking for any incriminating evidence. 

Bertholdt’s mother found their friendship to be a little strange to say the least, or rather the lack of any other friendship in her son’s life. Whenever Bertholdt’s mentioned Annie his mother would find a way to work in Reiner’s name or enquire about another classmate from primary whose names she always jumbled slightly. It was evident, painfully so, that his mother disapproved of Annie’s ‘influence’ over her son, as if she had single handily robbed Bertholdt’s chance of becoming an up and coming socialite. Which made these forced interaction all the more enjoyable for all involved. 

"We’re fine mum thanks" 

"…A bit dark in here isn’t it?" her eyes were still scanning the room.

Annie had stayed slouched over barely acknowledging the Bertholdt’s mother loitering in the doorway. 

"Well, we were just playing some horror games-" Bertholdt was looking more at Annie than his mother as he said this, feeling himself begin to sweat under the judgement of his mother’s eyes. 

At times like this he wished Annie cared more for obeying social norms and small talk, no matter how awkward or socially inept Bertholdt felt he always made sure to be polite as possible whilst doing so. 

"I see." Her hand left the door frame, "Well, I’ll be right down stairs if you need anything." 

Deliberately leaving the door open she left, Bertholdt waited for the sound of footsteps to quieten down before he let out a sigh. 

"My-my, it would appear that your mother is still under the impression that you and I are engaging in intercourse" she said dryly, eyes not moving from the screen. 

"No problem there" Bertholdt laughed.

Annie whacked her elbow into the side of his ribs.


	7. Green-Thumb

It was an unusually clear day, not a single cloud in the sky. The sun shone softly occasionally interrupted by a gentle breeze. A few people had sought to take advantage of the nice weather and were tending to their gardens; trimming their hedges, pulling out weeds, cutting their grass.

Reiner, as he did most mornings, was out walking his dog Berwick. He set out a little later than usual, not that he’d drunk enough last night to be hung-over but it still took a substantial amount of effort to get out of bed this morning. 

Across the street Bertholdt’s father was one of the few people taking advantage of the clear weather as he tended to his own garden. Granted it didn’t take much for him to be there. Out of the entire neighbourhood it was certainly the best kept garden. 

A row of potted plants, soft shades of blues, yellows and pinks lined the brick path to their front door. Little lights were hidden and braided amongst the shrubbery to illuminate the path at night. A wooden bench sat by the porch, wooden with metal framing at the legs and arms. A pair of self-watering hanging baskets framed the entrance at each side. 

Reiner wasn’t entirely sure what Bertholdt’s father did for a living; honestly the man was a bit of an enigma. All he knew was that he worked at home and honestly it wouldn’t surprise him if it in some way involved gardening, he certainly seemed to have a green-thumb. 

"Good morning Reiner" he cheered from under his unnecessarily large sun hat, tools in hand as he planted some powder blue flowers Reiner didn’t recognise.  
Neither Bertholdt nor Brienne took after their father in the looks department; Mr.Fubar was shorter than his wife and son (only time would tell what heights Brienne would reach) and they inherited their complexion from their Indian mother. Reiner could certainly see where Brienne’s spontaneous streak came from though. 

"Morning" It must have been past twelve by now but Reiner said nothing, the man must have already been out in the garden for some time now.  
"And good morning Berwick" he smiled, reaching into his pocket and digging out a dog biscuit, Berwick gently and gratefully received.  
The fact that he carried dog biscuits in his pockets but had no dog stopped striking Reiner as odd long ago. 

Still, Reiner could never bring himself to ignore Mr. Fubar or any one of the Fubar family for that matter. He’d known them all his life; they were practically family in their own right. 

Sometimes Reiner wondered what Bertholdt’s relationship with his father was like, he rarely saw him helping in the garden like Brienne. It seemed a shame that their relationship wasn’t closer but it wasn’t really Reiner’s place to judge or project his own desires onto others. 

Berwick stood up and started to wag his tail, following his line of sight Reiner saw Bertholdt standing at the front door. 

There was a slight tug at his mouth, a smile in his eyes. He looked a little startled; as if Reiner was the last person he expected to see outside his door, even though they only lived a few yards away from each other.

Twenty-three steps, Reiner had counted once.

It was a year and a half after his father had passed away. It was cold, Reiner remembered, the heating had been cut off (they hadn’t managed to pay the bills on time). Forty-seven percent, that was the mark he’d received for his mock English exam that Friday. Stressful. That about summed that week up.

Relaxing, that was Bertholdt’s presence, would have been if Reiner had, had the courage to take the last twenty-fourth step. To knock on his door to see him, to sit with him, to just be near him. 

And there he was, right now, stepping farther, getting closer…

‘Say something Reiner’ even Mr.Fubar was looking slightly puzzled

"Hey" he said dumbly

"Hi" Bertholdt replied 

Berwick jumped up excitedly, he’d always had a soft spot for Bertholdt. 

"And hello to you too Berwick" Bertholdt smiled, bending down to pet the dog.

Tan hands, slender, slide through the fur. They were slim but big, boyish, the whites of his nails contrasted nicely against his skin. Bertholdt was wearing a light jumper, forest green, it suited him. Shoulders were broad, wider than Reiner’s, he reckoned. Not that he could be sure, there wasn’t much between them width wise but Bertholdt didn’t hold himself very well. Hunched over a lot, thought he was too tall. He wasn’t. Isn’t. 

"I um-mum asked me to pick up some milk" Bertholdt’s eyes ping-ponged between the two unsure of who he was addressing "Dad, do you need anything?" 

His father tipped up his sun hat, eyes squinting in thought "No thank you, i'm quite alright" smiling he squatted down to attend to some flowers. 

Bertholdt and Reiner shared a sheepish smile as they both began to walk side by side down their street. Berwick strode between them; tail wagging happily seemingly unaware of the tension amongst his master and friend. The dog’s presence relieved it somewhat, a nice distraction and a mutual point of affection for the two. 

Not that the near silence was uncomfortable, it never was with Bertholdt. 

"So are you in a hurry?" Reiner asked, head nudging in the direction of the park 

"No" came the immediate response and Reiner couldn’t help but smirk at the rare display of outright eagerness in Bertholdt’s tone. 

They headed up the path, bypassing the park into the clearing of their old hangout. The makeshift shelter long demolished, their trodden path grown out, the pine trees seemingly smaller but still leaving a scent lingering in the air. 

Bending down Reiner unclipped Berwick’s leash to let the dog run free for a bit in the secluded area. 

The boy’s walked over to one of the larger trees and sat down on the ground in full view of Berwick, who was strutting back with a large stick in his mouth which he presented to Bertholdt. 

"Oh alright then" he stood and lobbed the stick

Reiner took the chance to take in Bertholdt; tall, athletic build, tan skin, dark hair and eyes.

Yeah, Bertholdt was attractive but he already knew that. 

"Nice throw" Reiner commented as Bertholdt sat back beside him

"Thanks" Bertholdt raised his bicep slightly "good to know all those years playing Wii sports hasn’t been wasted" 

Bertholdt ducked his head as if embarrassed by his own words.

"Yeah, those are some definite Wii boxing guns right there" 

Reiner laughed and gently squeezed at Bertholdt’s arm, queuing his turn to turn his head away embarrassed by his own action. 

It was difficult to ignore his own heart beating and upsetting to think that he might have made Bertholdt uncomfortable. They were closer to each other now than Reiner could recall from recent memory, it was nice but he wished a simple touch of the arm didn’t feel so intrusive. That he could reach over and tousle his thick dark hair, pat his back or rest his arm on Bertholdt’s shoulder with ease and assurance. 

Berwick reappeared dropping his stick in front of Reiner this time.

"Alright one more shot" He said as he threw the stick.


	8. Swing-sets and communication

Exercise was relaxing. At least to Reiner it was. 

That night had been a particularly rewarding session; usually he went alone (two times a week at the minimum) though recently he had acquired two new gym buddies; Jean and Eren.  
They made for surprisingly good (entertaining) company; the two were constantly bickering about this, that or the next thing but having something to focus their excess energy on seemed to be beneficial for their friendship and everyone’s sanity. 

Whenever Mikasa wasn’t preoccupied with her own boxing training regimen, she would join in as well.

A lot of masked pained expression and bravado flew around amongst the boys whenever Mikasa was around, remaining oblivious to her status as the gym’s local celebrity.

There was very little noise on those nights as all three of them (and many others) tried their hardest to keep up with her. 

After a nice refreshing shower Reiner lay on his bed scrunching his toes; a fresh pair of white socks, grey joggers and a loose t-shirt. He had his laptop resting on top of his stomach, a few tabs open.  
At the bottom of the screen the time read 10:52pm. The house felt empty. The only sound Reiner could hear was the faint snoring of Berwick sleeping in his bed downstairs (his mother was working another late shift at the hospital). 

Reiner was scrolling through his dash absent-mindedly; Krista changed her profile picture a few minutes ago and was nearing seventy odd likes (there was also a ‘view previous comments’ that ended with a winky face posted by Ymir which Reiner didn’t want to know about). Under which was a picture of a caught off guard Connie biting into a burger near the size of his head posted by Sasha captioned: ‘and they say I’m bad…’ with an onslaught of emoji’s in typical Sasha fashion. 

Just as Reiner was about to start reading a lengthy (and most probably rant induced) post by Eren, he noticed the small green dot indicating that Bertholdt was online. 

He hesitated for a moment before opening the window and typing: **‘Hey’**

 _Excellent, real articulate Reiner_

Three small dots indicated Bertholdt was replying. 

Reiner shuffled up from his slouched position, starting to feel uneasy over his impulsive decision to strike an online conversation. 

The highly anticipated reply was an equally articulate: **‘Hi’**

_Great, this isn’t awkward at all_

Lack of poise aside, Reiner just wanted to talk to his best friend again. 

**Reiner Braun: can we talk??**

The reply was practically instant. 

**Bertholdt Hoover: Of course, always.**

Presented with the opportunity Reiner had no clue what to say. Frustration began to seep over him, the reality of the situation overtaking him; messaging someone that was seconds away from him.  
Ashamedly, he was irritated by Bertholdt’s kindness. Surely, he must feel some sort of resentment towards Reiner? 

Truthfully, Bertholdt had always been the better of the two at handling emotions. 

Reiner was all bravado and hot air. Bertholdt was reserved but unpretending. 

Was it self-centred of him to think that Bertholdt would still be hung up over the way their friendship dissolved? 

A little ping indicated Bertholdt’s reply. 

**Bertholdt Hoover: Face – to – face?**

_Yes, please._

**Reiner Braun: sure**

**Bertholdt Hoover: Okay, meet outside? I just need to find some shoes.**

Reiner sprang from his bed; grabbed his hoodie, snagged his shoes, stumbled down the stairs and slammed the door shut behind him. 

And yet somehow Bertholdt had managed to beat him, crouched across the street on his own front doorstep.

‘Hey’ Reiner approached 

‘Hi’ Bertholdt replied

A soft laughter was exhaled between the two. 

‘Do you mind if we sit around the back? Everyone’s asleep’ Bertholdt gestured his head towards the side entrance to the back garden. 

‘Course’

He led the way into the Hoover’s back-garden which had changed drastically since Reiner had last been there. 

Sets of fairy-lights created a second set of stars splashed across the garden; wrapping them in their own personal galaxy. 

Glimpses of Bertholdt’s family imprinted in the layout: a shed for his father’s tools, an elephant water feature no doubt picked out by his mother and at the center a swing set. 

‘Sweet, I’m surprised this thing is still in one piece with Brienne around’

‘She almost knocked the full thing over once’ 

‘Do I want to ask?’

Bertholdt tried to recall ‘Uh- well I’m pretty sure it was during her hulk phase – or maybe it was when she was pretending to be a gorilla?’ 

Reiner chuckled 

‘Yeah, we don’t go back to the zoo much these days’ 

‘Just as well they’d probably try to keep her’ Reiner half-jokingly replied 

They settled onto the swings and begun lazily rocking back and forth. 

Bertholdt was wearing a deep burgundy cable-knit jumper, it looked comfortable. 

Reiner registered a faint notion to reach out and touch his arm. Imagined that if he was a few inches closer he’d be able to smell Bertholdt’s scent embedded into the wool; the familiar mint and tea tree body wash he’d used since he was thirteen. 

At least that’s what he imagined; he didn’t like to think it had changed. 

The warm glow off of the fairy-lights cast a faint halo against Bertholdt’s profile.

With a little more force than planned, Reiner knocked his foot against Bertholdt’s.

‘I miss you’ Reiner hastily announced as he dropped his head to the ground. 

_There, I said it._

Long overdue, it was how Reiner had felt for years now. No matter how it seemed or how he had acted. Honestly, he needed Bertholdt to know, that he’d been missed, that he was missing him, that even this wasn’t enough. 

Maybe not that last part, he couldn’t voice that. Not yet, maybe not ever. 

‘I know’ 

Reiner raised his head to meet Bertholdt’s eyes; they were hard to read, half lidded, pupils spilling out and flooding his usual muddy-green irises. 

‘I miss you too’ Bertholdt added 

Their eyes remained fixed on each other, as they sat, soaking in the comfortable silence and the crisp night air. 

Bertholdt knocked his foot against Reiner’s and turned his head. A brazen smile slicked across his face. The warm glow cast on his face suddenly seeming more devilish now. 

‘Oh is that how it is Bert?’ 

Reiner couldn’t help but smile himself as the two engaged in a playful tussle; kicking feet, laughing and nudging their shoulders. 

It was interrupted by a light turning on from Bertholdt’s upstairs landing which returned them to their senses. 

‘Probably my mum, she’s a pretty restless sleeper.’ Bertholdt explained

‘Oh-yeah, um, I should probably just get going anyway’

‘Of course’

Unwilling to leave with any tension hanging Reiner added, ‘But I’ll see you at school yeah?’ 

‘Yeah’ Bertholdt smiled and despite his eyes remaining hard to read there seemed to be a slight glimmer of something hopeful in them. 

(True, it was entirely possible that it was due to the surrounding fairy-lights something that Reiner chose to ignore) 

On that night Reiner found himself to have a particularly restless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The very first chapter I had planned out and by far the hardest to write so far.


	9. ABC easy as 123

A quiet buzz from the overhead lighting, hums from hibernating desktop computers, periodic coughing and sniffling in the background and Bertholdt’s breathy whispering, which Reiner really should be paying attention to. After all, it was him who had suggested spending their coinciding free period studying together. 

To be fair, Reiner was concentrating on Bertholdt’s lips; wrapping around vowels, protruding and retracting around consonants as he read from their physics textbook. Yes, he was concentrating on Bertholdt’s lips, the words that came out of them not so much. 

Dangerously aware of his own mind wandering Reiner re-positioned himself on the stiff wooden chair. Aside from themselves there were two other students and the school’s librarian (whose face was firmly planted in the pages of her book) in the library. It was the period before lunch so any students who had the time off usually took a long lunch or left the school grounds to eat out. A week ago Reiner would be doing the same, if he hadn’t worked up the courage to ever so casually slink himself down beside a bemused Bertholdt one Tuesday afternoon. Flailing, he made excuses about not being hungry and buckling down on schoolwork and preparation for exams. 

It had felt a little awkward, a little desperate, following Bertholdt into the library that day but it was a good segue for further alone time with his former friend. 

Nice but a little boring…as in spite of appearances Reiner was relatively on top of his studies. 

Reiner scrunched a scrap of nearby paper and flicked it up at Bertholdt’s head. 

Fighting off a smile he replied “I though you needed ‘help’” 

The emphasis on that last word caught Reiner off guard and wide-eyed, 

“Uh-well…” 

“Not just with physics it seems” the smile had won over Bertholdt’s face, 

“Eh?”

“English too, you seem to have forgotten how to speak it; we’ve got a lot of work to do, maybe we should start with the basics?" sounding out the words slowly he continued "A is for?” 

“Asshole?” 

“Well, you’re not wrong but I was thinking more like apple” 

Notes and textbooks edged further away from the pair as the minutes passed; it began to feel more like a catch up session than a study one. Conversing so easily with Bertholdt was exhilarating on different frequencies; the immediate thrill of talking to the person who after years he’d still consider his best friend coinciding with occasional jarring twinges from his body set as an unfriendly reminder of repressed thoughts and feelings. 

“I’m not interrupting anything am I?” 

The question was directed at Bertholdt but Reiner was the target of Annie’s eyes. Icy blue piercing through his soul, as once more Reiner found himself praying his inner most thoughts were not being transmitted into the brainwaves of others. 

“Oh no, we were just uh- studying” 

A different type of stinging sensation erupted in Reiner’s chest as he looked at the panic flush down Bertholdt, who seemed to be embarrassed that Annie caught the two of them together. Not that Reiner was in any position to be feeling upset considering how he’d treated Bertholdt these past few years. 

Annie was fiercely protective of Bertholdt, a fact that was both relieving and jealousy inducing to Reiner. 

Relieved, that Bertholdt had such a strong friendship.

Jealous, that it might be something more. 

From what Reiner could gather, they shared similar tastes, he saw them swap and return books, movies, games and cd’s to one another frequently. Getting a good read on the situation was proving near impossible; Bertholdt and Annie spent the majority of their time in the library. On the odd occasion they decided to have lunch in the common room they tended to keep to themselves in quiet company. 

The pleasantly warm atmosphere that had built between the two boys was quickly frozen by Annie’s looming presence. 

For such a short girl she created an impressively imposing force.

“Are you ready to leave?” She asked Bertholdt, tucking a strand of overgrown blonde hair behind her ear. 

Bertholdt’s eyes darted about the desk as he gathered his belongings sensing the tension between his individual friends. 

“Uh, yeah okay. I think we were just about finished here anyway but um- same time next week right?” 

“Definitely, we still have another 25 letters to go over, you can’t leave me hanging.” 

The remark earned Reiner laughter and direct eye contact as Bertholdt rose from his chair and slung his bag over his shoulders. 

Watching Bertholdt leave the library left Reiner feeling strangely unsatisfied, the exchange was pleasant but not enough. 

Without thinking Reiner got up and walked hurriedly out into the hall behind him and called out his name. 

“Hey Bert!” 

The nickname had Bertholdt’s head whip round in an instant, stood still as Reiner approached. 

Annie hadn’t bothered to stop walking clearly uninterested in the exchange, her lack of concern for social etiquette wasn’t something Reiner could understand but it worked in his favour. 

“Do you wanna come over this Friday? I was thinking we could just chill, watch movies or something? I mean if you’re free.” 

“Yes. Yeah, okay, I’ll um- message you?”

“Cool” Reiner bite at his bottom lip, the immediate thrill, “Cool, well, I’ll let you go.” 

And a quick jarring twinge as he watched his friend walk away.


	10. Get ready, FIGHT!

Never before had Reiner understood the full scale lock down his mother had imposed on the house whenever they had guests over. Or at least, he hadn’t, until he found himself re-arranging the apples in the fruit bowl: a nice big, shiny red one on full display. A slightly bruised green one pushed to the back in favour of fruits that were more fruit like. 

A swooping motion from right to left; it was now the third time Reiner had wiped down the grey granite worktop in his kitchen. 

To say he was nervous to be spending time alone, at his house, with Bertholdt was an understatement. 

It was like a two part bus ride, their relationship, Reiner chose to get off half way: happy to sit, wait and let the regularly scheduled busses pass by.  
Another would come along, they always did. It was selfish and cowardly. It was painful, imagining Bertholdt sitting on the back of the bus all alone. 

But right now he was standing, ready to get on. 

Reiner walked back over to the fruit bowl, picked up the bruised green apple and placed it at the front. 

The house was restful: Berwick was sleeping soundly exhausted from a long walk (Reiner’s attempt calm the dog foreseeing his excitement at having his own friend in the house). 

His mother was at work and wouldn’t be home until the early hours of the morning which was a great relief to Reiner, who wasn’t too keen on the idea of the two of them bumping into each other. 

Not that his mother disapproved of Bertholdt, as far as she knew the two had grown apart naturally and fell into their own separate social circles. 

Not that there was anything strange about two friends, in separate social circles, growing together and becoming friends once more. 

No, there wasn’t and there isn’t anything unusual about that but Reiner wasn’t certain that’s what this was. 

Reiner searched for a way to equate the feeling in his stomach to his mind, the reason he didn’t want his mother to know Bertholdt was coming over. 

Because, if he really had to liken the forthcoming situation to something, wouldn’t it be a date? 

In that moment, the stillness, all by himself and alone with his thoughts, there was clarity.

The revelation of his romantic feelings that lurked underwhelmed him because they’d always been there: listening to Bertholdt talk about physics notes he’d already read, illuminated under a set of dual stars in Bertholdt’s back garden, breathing in the parks honest air as Bertholdt played with his dog, an image of Bertholdt flashing into his mind as Krista revealed her relationship with Ymir, eyes strained at the back of his physics class in order to stay seated next to Bertholdt, sacrificing his sickeningly sweet strawberry flavoured juice for orange because it was Bertholdt’s favourite. 

The sheer memory of the tangy taste was enough to flavour Reiner’s tongue; the sense was quickly evaporated by the sound of the doorbell. 

\---

‘Ha-ha, take that!’ Bertholdt exclaimed after delivering a particularly complex combo.

As competitive as Reiner could get it was difficult to get too heated when Bertholdt insisted on picking the cutesy non-human characters to play as (a bear in a karate suit that towered over all the over characters). Reiner, on the other hand, tended to pick the cool cyborg types. 

Shortly after Bertholdt arrived they’d started browsing some downloadable games to play and stumbled upon a remake of a fighting game from when they were little. 

It elicited a lot of ‘remember when’ and ‘oh yeah’ moments between the two but for Reiner it was image of blindingly white snow; mountains and mountains of it.  
School had been cancelled and after a morning of chucking and rolling balls of snow they’d decided to retreat back to the warmth inside. Slumped on Bertholdt’s living room floor, they’d taken the cover and pillows off of his bed and set up a cosy nest in front of the TV. Reiner had brought the game over from his house (Bertholdt’s mother would have never allowed him to buy a game with so much ‘senseless violence’) they were bundled up close enough to inflict elbow jabs, shoulder shoves and the occasional, accidental, brushing of their knuckles.

There was a modest gap between the two on the couch now; Bertholdt’s tanned knuckles were tensed over the controller, one thumb permanently pressed down to the left as the other worked on more combos. 

Bertholdt jabbed his elbow into Reiner side, ‘Don’t be that guy’ he said in reference to Reiner who had spent the last minute in a crouched blocking position while his mind had went astray. 

In response to this Reiner positioned his character upwards and started to repeatedly use his high kick move instead. 

‘No one likes a spammer either!’ 

Reiner bellowed his best evil laughter with no intention of stopping as the match dissolved into the two abandoning all tactic and furiously button mashing.  
After a few more rounds they decided to call it quits, Bertholdt had went to the bathroom and Reiner to the kitchen to get a drink. Returning to the couch, they both sunk a little closer together. 

‘What do you fancy watching?’ Reiner asked, adjusting his glasses. 

The motion sent a little flutter in Bertholdt’s stomach; he’d noticed the glasses as soon as Reiner had opened the door. 

That he felt comfortable enough to wear something he was so self-conscious about with everyone else gave him a glimmer of pride. 

‘As long as it isn’t scary’ Reiner amended to his question 

‘Ah, well there go all my suggestions.’

‘You know, it’s strange, for someone so squeamish you sure have a high tolerance for blood and gore.’ 

‘I think what’s strange is a guy who has a hard time watching someone on TV scrape their knee but can bursts open his entire nose and doesn’t bat an eyelid.’ 

‘No-no, those things are totally different, that’s my own blood that doesn’t count. Plus, I was in the middle of a football match what was I supposed to do?’

‘I mean, grab a tissue at least but you know you’re right, freaking out over seeing my own blood that should be in my own body, I’m the strange one.’ 

‘Shut it.’ Reiner prodded him with the remote control

Eventually, the settled on an inoffensive (blood free) animated family film, which they ended up chatting over anyway. 

It had gotten late after the film ended and they both sluggishly agreed it was time to call it a night. 

Standing with the door open, neither of them knew exactly how to part,

‘Uh-well let me know when you get home okay’ Reiner said, immediately embarrassed (it was instinct, the sort of thing he would have said when parting with Krista or Sasha) 

Bertholdt turned his head, looked at his house, then back to Reiner. 

‘I’ll take extra care crossing the street.’ 

‘Okay, smart guy.’ Reiner said reaching out and giving Bertholdt a quick hug; it was quick and a little precautious but nice nonetheless. 

Within five minutes of parting Reiner heard his phone beep, indicating a new message. 

**Bertholdt Hoover: I didn’t make it…**

**Bertholdt Hoover: Looked both ways and everything but alas**

Lying in bed, Reiner smiled down at his phone and began to type back a response.


	11. The Belly Rubs

“I haven’t had the chance to just play with Beriwck in years, well there was some stick throwing in the park before but I’ve missed the belly rubs Annie. The belly rubs. It sort of broke the ice – having the dog there, I mean. I was getting so worked up about it being just the two of us, not that Berwick really makes it three but you know what I mean. An extra pair of eyes lessened the tension. 

Speaking of eyes! 

Annie, he wore his glasses, he never wears his glasses. I don’t know why he looks really good in them. I wonder if he would wear them more if I told him. No, no, no. That’s weird, that be weird wouldn’t it?”

Annie’s eyes remained fixed on her handheld console and grunted a noncommittal response.

“But it was nice to relax, we played games mostly, Reiner is such a little shit you’d hate playing against him.” 

Bertholdt grinned (to himself) as he pictured Reiner aggressively spamming the kick button.

Annie rolled her eyes (to herself) at her friends gushing retelling of a question she was now wishing she’d never asked. 

“We just watched a movie after that, I suggested we watch a horror but that was a definite no. I wonder if that means scary games are out of the question as well…”

Bertholdt stopped to ponder over that thought. A small, somewhat sadistic thought, he knew if he asked Reiner nicely enough he’d agree to play one (the image of Reiner in mild peril was more pleasant than Bertholdt cared to admit).

Annie slouched against her frequently inhabited spot against Bertholdt’s bed. Staring at her friend, unaware that she’d purchased tickets for a one man show: ‘the sweat monologues’ when she’d come over and awaited a refund. 

“So your date went well huh?”

“It wasn’t” Bertholdt sputtered “not technically, I mean.” Bottom lip chewed nervously, eyes light excitedly. 

Annie let out a barely audible sigh; the predicament seemed to be of the non-refundable variety.

\--- 

The usual buzzing of the libraries overhead lighting was drowned out by the chatter of students inhabiting the computer clusters. 

Laughter occasionally cut by their librarian’s deliberate coughing fits and then sliced off entirely by a raised eyebrow and disapproving lip. 

One half of Reiner’s class had been brought in to use the computers to finish off their research for their final tech and design project. 

The second half remained downstairs using the computers equip with programs needed to render 3D models of the clocks they had created throughout the year.  
The first half had drawn the short end of the stick; their tech teacher’s supervising eyes were unfelt until you noticed him looming over your shoulder to offer advice. On the other hand, the librarians could be felt from across the room and if she had to get out of her chair to silence you chances were you would not be speaking anytime soon after the encounter. 

Not that it mattered much to Reiner, Connie was with the second half of the class downstairs, no doubt causing their tech teacher to loom and loom and loom (still immensely proud of the ‘wooden wonder’ he’d created)

While there was no shortage of people in his class he could strike up conversation with (his ability to do so at ease with any number of people was something even he knew he excelled at) he appreciated having small quiet moments throughout the day to be left alone with his own thoughts.

Reiner skimmed through one of the quieter areas of the library; one of the books referenced in his online research was available in their library and he found reading on paper less straining on his eyes. 

A deliberate cough alerted his attention to his left, it wasn’t the librarians; it was softer, quieter but hit with the same intensity. 

Annie side-eyed him with an icy stare, “hey” she said in an anything but casual manner.

“Hey” Reiner replied, more than a little perplexed by her sudden apparition. 

From what subjects he gathered she took there was no reason for her to be in this section of the library. 

Yet here she stood, eyeing the books on the shelf with the same intensity she had eyed Reiner. 

“Bertholdt told me your little rendezvous went well” Annie directed this at the books. There wasn’t time for Reiner to reply, “Tech and design eh?”  
Annie scanned the book on resistant materials that she’d taken off the shelf, “Are you thinking of taking this further? You seem pretty good at building bridges; I’d taken you more for the sort that knocks them down or ignores them till they crumble. Bertholdt and I have already applied for a few different university courses, if we got into one of the further away ones we were thinking of flat sharing. Just something to think about, it was nice talking to you Reiner.”  
In one precise motion she slotted the book back into its place and left. 

“Yeah, great conversation we should definitely do that again.” Reiner said to himself only once he was certain she was out of earshot.

\--- 

The deadline for university applications was in two weeks and Reiner had been delaying the process since they’d opened three months ago. 

True, he did enjoy tech and design but he’d never considered making anything more of it save some clocks and spice racks. 

Even when Bertholdt had dropped physics for chemistry Reiner had continued with the subject. It was challenging (and lost some of its appeal when Bertholdt’s strong profile was no longer around to serve as a pleasant distraction) but he wasn’t sure if he enjoyed it enough to take it for a further four plus years. 

Secretly he knew (as was how he knew most things about himself) what he enjoyed most, Saturday mornings. 

It was waking up early. It was working as part of a team. It was being active. It was making children smile. It was bringing people together. It was mentoring. 

All of the things Reiner knew he was good at. All of the things that made Reiner feel good. 

The only person who had suggested it as a potential career had been his mother; she knew how much he enjoyed it and it made more sense financially.  
At least in terms of immediate finance, he had been working at the gym for some time now and he had no doubt there would be a permanent place for him there once he finished school. 

This was the option that Reiner acknowledges should be the obvious choice; it meant he would be earning money, money he could use to help his mother, to input into the household. It wouldn’t be too hard to build up a reputation in the area and create a client base and eventually start running classes of his own.  
The second option held its own benefits, though Reiner couldn’t help but wonder if his own pride was keeping the option afloat; while courses were limited, nearby universities offered some courses on sports therapy and similar areas that would be beneficial for the type of career Reiner had in mind. With those sorts of qualifications Reiner would be in the position to charge more and set up classes straight away. 

It also meant repaying student loans and having periods of time when he would be making little to no money. 

As he lay on his bed attempting to mull over his options his thoughts wandered back to the library and his ‘conversation’ with Annie. 

At first he had been annoyed by her blatant digs and judgmental glare but there was truth in what she had said. The anger Reiner felt hadn’t been directed at Annie but at himself. 

The more he thought about the meeting the stranger he found it; there was no reason for Annie to be at the library and certainly not by the smallish, tucked at the back, tech and design section of it. 

Annie had sought him out. 

A thought that may have seemed threatening to others given her nature but not to Reiner, the two weren’t all that different. Annie was cold to everyone in the same way that Reiner was warm to everyone. It was a defence mechanism. It kept everyone on the same level and at arm’s length.

To Reiner, it wasn’t a threat but a fair warning. 

They both knew Bertholdt; if Annie was cold, Reiner warm then Bertholdt landed somewhere in neutrality between them. 

However small, there was a chance that Bertholdt wouldn’t have ever mentioned his plans for the future with Reiner and Annie knew this. 

Reiner had only just worked up the courage to get back on the bus, he wasn’t about to let Bertholdt get off without him.


	12. Extra Sprinkles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in my mum's car (broom broom)

Despite passing first time, Bertholdt remains wary as he pulls up to the kerb with relative ease. A small wave of dread in his stomach isn’t helped by the fact that the car isn’t technically his (sharing insurance on his mother’s mini). He peels his hands from the steering wheel, a little sweaty.

A tap on the window startles him; ‘check out the stud in the mini’ Reiner winks.

He’s sporting a faded flush and a gym bag slung across his chest which covers the text on his vest top. 

Bertholdt likes to think it’s probably hiding a slogan others would wear ironically or sleazily but Reiner would pull off with charm. 

He rolls down the car window, leans against the inside door panel and waggles his eyebrows. A little embarrassed at himself but also wishing he had some thick, black sunglasses to tip down and complete the bit. 

A snippet of Reiner’s chest had escaped from the loose fitting vest top. Bertholdt takes a second to appreciate Reiner’s fashion choices.

‘I’ll have the car during the weekend if you want to go for a drive, we could take Berwick?’ Bertholdt suggests.

Reiner sizes up the car, ‘Only if you promise to let me be there when your mum see’s there’s been a large, potentially wet, German Shepard in her car.’ 

‘Good point.’ Bertholdt slumps slightly, weighing up their options. 

Reiner leans into the open car door window, ‘The beach sounds great.’ 

He leans in closer and tugs at Bertholdt’s earlobe ‘I guess I’ll – sea you then.’ 

‘Was that on porpoise?’

‘Water you talking about?’

Reiner feigns mock offence as he starts to retreat from the enclosed space of the car. 

‘Reiner’

‘Hmm?’ he leans back in and Bertholdt reaches up, fingers brushing his cheek for a moment and tugs at his ear. 

‘You took the bait.’

\---

They decided that leaving Berwick at home was for the best (for the car and for Bertholdt’s mother’s heart).

It takes them a little under two hours to get to the beach; a long stretch of grass guides them there, thinning out into sparse blades as they reach the sand. 

The air was crisp and alert; the water swayed lazily beginning to awake.

There’s a couple swinging a small child between their arms and two horse riders are trotting along near the water, they are the only visible people on eight mile stretch of beach. 

A little red hut lies an hour up the beach on a raised path; a clear sliding window the access point for orders, a small wooden chalk board propped in front to list the day’s specials and a set of two benches and tables facing out towards the sea. 

Reiner pointlessly peruses the options on the board, having already decided on his usual plain vanilla with – ‘extra sprinkles’ he hears Bertholdt request to the lady leaning out the window, her cheeks a similar shade of crimson as her hut. 

‘Extra sprinkles?’ Bertholdt doesn’t as much ask as he does confirm handing the cone over to Reiner.

‘Only if they’re rainbow’ Reiner takes the cone and admires the assortment of pinks, blues and yellows piled on top. ‘Thank Bert, how much do I owe you?’

‘Oh no it’s fine’ Bertholdt waves his free hand dismissively, the other holding onto the tub he’d bought for himself. 

They sit on the bench furthest away from the hut and sit in silence; enjoying the refreshing taste of their ice-cream, the crisp salt air and the distant call of seagulls as they watch the water. 

To get a closer look they secure a spot on the sand, not a single figure in sight.

‘So, I met Annie in the library the other day’ Reiner glances at Bertholdt, who is running his index finger back and forth along the sand. ‘She said the two of you were thinking of moving out together after we graduate.’

‘Well together but not ‘together-together’ and it was just talk. I mean, we priced a few places but they’re all pretty expensive. It’s unlikely besides they’d be more affordable if we had a third person to move out with.’ He says bunching the sand between his fingers. ‘I mean- have you given it any thought - graduation that is or rather what you’re going to do afterwards?’

‘A little, I’ve looked at some engineering courses.’ 

‘Really?’ the surprise in Bertholdt’s voice caught Reiner’s attention, ‘I have no doubt you’d be great at it but is that really what you want to do? I just thought you’d want to do some sort of teaching or mentoring or something in that area.’ 

‘I do.’ It was the truth after all and it was a lot harder to outright lie to Bertholdt than it was himself. ‘I want to go to university, with everyone, with you but I need to start making money.’

‘Well, there might be a way to balance both. You shouldn’t rule it out straight away. You’re fantastic at your work, Brie loves you but I think you’d regret it – not going.’ 

Their hands had met somewhere during the conversation; Bertholdt’s thumb circling anti-clockwise over Reiner’s knuckles in a comforting manner as he spoke.  
‘That’s just what I think, I mean it’s entirely your choice and maybe I’m just being selfish but I think you should make the decision for yourself and not for anyone else.’ 

The circles picked up speed, Bertholdt seemingly nervous having voiced his thoughts but it remained a calming gesture. 

‘Thank Bert’ 

They smiled and their hands remained interlinked till they left the beach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get out my car (awww)


	13. chocolates or toys or cigarettes

The sun was stationed above them over a clear blue sky, it must have been around 3 o’clock judging by its position. 

They laid on their backs in Reiner’s garden; no swing set to sit on, no fairy lights to engulf them, it was bare.

Berwick lay in the shade by fence towards the back of the garden, having spent the morning playing in the park with the boys. 

It was so different to when Reiner’s father was still alive, Bertholdt was sure they were laying roughly where the trampoline used to sit, the grass was still a little discoloured. 

The stone paving was missing the impressive barbeque and table set Bertholdt remembers their families gathering around every summer. It was mostly likely kept in the storage but Bertholdt wouldn’t want to pry or ask anything that could potentially upset Reiner.

They hadn’t had any sort of gathering between their families in recent years and with the acceptation of Reiner and Bertholdt’s recent reunion they had reverted back to being agreeable neighbours status. 

Absorbing the sunlight was both rejuvenating and exhausting, for a little under an hour they lay, chat peppered throughout their rest (that served no purpose other than the comfort of letting the other hear their voice). 

A cool breeze swept over the pair, Reiner took a deep breath in to catch the fresh air before it passed and then sun’s rays pushed back down. 

“Do you know, I still remember the day you moved in.” 

Reiner didn’t have to open his eyes to know Bertholdt was looking at him, he hummed in encouragements for him to continue. It wasn’t often that Bertholdt started stories of his own volition. 

“It was freaky hot, like today.” 

Reiner’s eyes remained shut, he could feel Bertholdt moving over from his back to his side, the mixture of the hot sun on his skin and Bertholdt’s voice slow and sleepy from the day’s grog in his ears was blissful. 

“Your family seemed so different from mine, you were all so blonde,” That earned a small laugh from Reiner, his family were a fair bunch, “A little like the doll’s Brienne used to play with.” 

Again understandable, there was a slight resemblance between them and one of those rosy cheeked families you’d find on a poster for one of those vintage adverts for chocolate or toys or cigarettes. 

“I thought you guys were a little scary honestly”

“Scary? Really?”

“Well, not scary wrong choice of words – I mean I was a little intimidated”

Reiner slowly opened his eyes, expecting to be assaulted by the sun but Bertholdt’s body took the edge off most of it as he sat half up propped on his elbows; his eyes closed, head tilted back lapping up the sunshine. 

For a moment, Reiner was content to just lie and watch Bertholdt’s relaxed features and steady breathing. The sun’s warm glow cast a faint halo behind Bertholdt’s profile, the same cast by the radiance of the fairy lights. 

He continued to observe, allowing the stifling heat to pull his emotions to the surface. If Bertholdt were to open his eyes right now, he would be caught openly admiring and Reiner would have no excuse for it.

In that moment, he felt no need to hide or ignore his feelings for his best friend, they didn’t seem like anything to be feared. 

“Was that all you thought?”

“You mean apart from that chubby blonde kid is a little cute?” 

The jump in his heart caused a jerk reaction making Reiner reach up and thump Bertholdt’s arm. 

“Ouch, no fair, I thought you were half asleep.” 

Bertholdt rubbed at his arm, surprised rather than hurt. 

It wasn’t the first time Bertholdt had casually said something to imply that Reiner’s feelings or at least attraction wasn’t as one sided as he initially thought. 

How much of that was filtered by Reiner’s wishful thinking, he wasn’t sure. 

But Bertholdt loved him, that he was sure of. 

They loved each other, romantic or not that wouldn’t change. 

Was confessing his feelings really that much of a risk? 

After all, Reiner was the first one to reject Bertholdt years ago, they both cared enough about each other and their relationship to invest time into rebuilding it. 

Who’s to say it wouldn’t be the same if they were met with another obstacle?

Life without Bertholdt in some capacity was unimaginable, even if his feelings weren’t returned he didn’t doubt the two would remain in each other’s lives. 

Reiner shut his eyes again, gathering his courage. 

“Y’know that movie you’d been talking about seeing?”

“What, the scary one?” Bertholdt questioned 

“Yeah, do you wanna go together?” 

“Are you feeling okay?”

Bertholdt pressed his hand against Reiner’s forehead, “Yeah, definitely heatstroke”

“How would you even be able to tell? Your hand is a hundred times hotter and sweatier than my forehead.” 

A little embarrassed (as he always was about his own perspiration) Bertholdt removed his hand and rubbed the sweat off against his shorts. 

“But yeah, you wanna?” 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to push yourself I can always go see it with Annie.” 

Not the most desired response in this situation, Reiner wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to stomach the same level of gore as Annie but he challenged himself to try. 

“We’ll take it in turns alright? This time horror and next time you have to go see a heart-warming animated family feature with me, sound good?”

“So, what you’re saying is I get the pleasure of dealing with a crying Reiner for at least two if not all foreseeable cinema trips?”

“I can’t help if I have a lot of emotions ok?” Reiner said through fake tears 

“There, there.” Bertholdt said, patting Reiner’s shoulders. “Sounds good, when do you want to go?”

“Um…well actually about that” Reiner sat up and matched Bertholdt’s eye level “I was wondering and if I’m completely off then just say and we can leave it or I mean we can still go, I wanna go with you but I mean – I was wondering if you’d wanna go with me but as like – a date?”


	14. In bloom

**Bertholdt Hoover:** Annie? Are you there?  
**:** Reiner just asked me out  
**Annie Leonhart:** ???  
**:** aren’t you two already going out?  
**Bertholdt Hoover:** No…  
**:** I mean…  
**:** We’ve been ‘hanging out’ but not ‘out out’ like dating ‘out’  
**Annie Leonhart:** bert, we ‘hang out’ you guys have been hanging ‘out out’  
**Bertholdt Hoover:** …  
**Annie Leonhart:** but yea, congrats ;)

\---

An island of near identical t-shirts had formed in the centre of Reiner’s bed. A large exhale escaped his mouth as he dug around in frustration looking for something suitable to wear; the amount of hours spent at the gym reflective in his limited wardrobe (tank tops didn’t exactly scream ‘first date’). At the very back of his wardrobe, shrouded in darkness, hung his one and only suit which had seen a fair share of relative’s weddings. In desperation he reached in and picked it up (this one screamed to the date ‘RUN’) after quick consideration it was pushed back into the depths from which it came. 

Surely there must be some in between sleazy post work out hookup and ‘I do’ in his wardrobe. 

The frustration was a welcome change to the jittery excitement he’d been engulfed in since Bertholdt had said yes, the warmth from that day’s sun had yet to escape his body. 

Another top abandoned into the now near continental in size lump taking over his bed. 

The light in Bertholdt’s bedroom was on and Reiner wondered if he was having a similar dilemma, a small part of him sort of hoping he was. That he was nervous, excited, thinking about Reiner as much as Reiner had been thinking about him. That he hadn’t misinterpreted Reiner’s words, that he knew this was romantic not some friend date.

\---

 **Bertholdt Hoover:** Annie?  
**Annie Leonhart:** wat  
**Bertholdt Hoover:** I’m freaking out  
**:** I’ve been sitting deciding between two different jumpers for over half an hour now  
**Annie Leonhart:** by different do you mean light grey or dark grey?  
**Bertholdt Hoover:** Should I shower again? I feel sort of sweaty…  
**Annie Leonhart:** what’s new?

\---

A white and burgundy long sleeved baseball shirt and the most expensive (and only pair) of jeans he owned was what Reiner had finally settled for. It was just a date to the cinema, nothing scary, actually…he’d agreed to go see a horror film with Bertholdt hadn’t he? 

Okay so thinking about the actual activity part of the date wasn’t a good way to settle his nerves. 

Reiner gave himself a pat down as he walked down the stairs: wallet (check) keys (check) phone (check).

At the bottom of the stairs his mother was doing the same thing with her the contents of her bag, fumbling around unable to find her keys. 

“You look nice” she said as she looked up smiling 

“Thanks, so do you” 

It was rare to see her this way, hair not pulled up, face looking fresh and well rested. 

“Where are you off to?”

There was no response as she clambered around the kitchen looking for the misplaced keys.

“Going somewhere nice?” she asked, reemerging with keys in hand 

“Uh – yeah” Reiner replied, averting her eyes

A sign she took for coyness, “A date?” she teased 

“Actually yeah”

There was a thoughtful pause as she put on her jacket and fixed her hair, “Krista?”

“No”

“Sasha?”

“No”

“Oh? Some girl I don’t know?”

Her phone had buzzed, she had been making her way towards the door, jacket on, bag fully packed but she was looking directly at Reiner smiling and waiting. 

“You know him, it’s Bertholdt”

“Oh Bertholdt, you know, I’m so happy you two are friends again, he’s such a nice boy”

“No, I mean, it’s Bertholdt – it’s, we’re going on a ‘date’”

Her phone buzzed again, she stood by the door, jacket on, reaching for the phone out her bag, her face had fallen from Reiner to the text displayed on the screen.

“I’m sorry Reiner, I don’t have time for this right now, I have to go” 

He wasn’t sure he’d heard her right. He wasn’t sure she’d heard him. What had he even said? The exact words, he couldn’t remember, it was gone. His mind was blank, the only thing he noticed as the door closed over was the light from Bertholdt’s bedroom.

\---

That hollow feeling left, the hollow place Reiner sometimes feels himself going to; at parties, amongst crowds, in class, alone… as soon as he saw Bertholdt it was gone. 

He looked every bit as nervous as Reiner felt but he looked good. He always did. Bertholdt was tall and lean so Reiner doubted there was much that wouldn’t be complimented by his frame (the smart greyish jumper he wore certainly did). 

Reiner had ordered the tickets online ahead of time, after all he was the one who had asked Bertholdt on the date, it only seemed right. The bashful reaction from Bertholdt was also worth the price of admission alone. The act was the closest they’d gotten to acknowledging that this was a date, the word itself hadn’t left either of their mouths since sitting in the sun together but it was verbalised in other unspoken ways. The air between them for instance, felt different. It was different from sitting in Reiner’s backdoor, side by side on the beach, next to each other watching movies and playing games or across from each other going over physics notes in the library. Now, the space between them was charged, almost tangible, too close, not close enough, suffocating and uplifting all at once. In a way Reiner was thankful that Bertholdt being inches away would act as a distraction from all the blood and gore no doubt about to be displayed on screen in full HD surround sound glory. 

They’d split into two groups to look for something, there was some sort of monster, multiple monsters?

Honestly, he couldn’t give you much of a rundown of the actual plot but if you wanted a synopsis of Bertholdt’s side profile or his hands then you were in luck. 

(Reiner hadn’t noticed the glances Bertholdt had stolen back, especially once Reiner put his glasses on) 

The date was bringing a mixture of satisfaction and frustration:

1.) Satisfaction: Bertholdt had said yes. He’d actually agreed to go out with Reiner and Reiner had actually had the courage to ask. The same Reiner that only a few months ago couldn’t ask Bertholdt to Krista’s party. It was validation, that Reiner wasn’t as out of it as he feared. The moments, glances, touches they’d exchanged and feelings behind them hadn’t been imagined or unrequited. Best of all, their relationship had more than been mended at this point, it was budding into something new. 

2.) Frustration: It could be in full bloom. He didn’t want this to be their first date, he wanted it to be their twentieth, fiftieth, hundredth - if only Reiner hadn’t spent so many years confused, neglecting his true feelings and fabricating false ones. He realises now he’d never been attracted to girls, it was something he was still coming to terms with, it had never been a part of his personal narrative. In the future he daydreamed of having, there was always a wife (usually some anonymous woman, sometimes Krista) a child, a dog just like his parents.  
But what had happened, had happened and what was happening now, was only just beginning. 

It hadn’t been that light when they entered the cinema but now it was pitch black outside. Reiner started to regret booking tickets for such a late showing; they were both tired, sluggish from sitting in a comforting darkness for over two hours. 

They started to head back to Bertholdt’s car, chatting about the movie and to Bertholdt’s delight Reiner hadn’t hated it (turns out it was more of an action-thriller than straight up gore which was easier for Reiner to stomach). Both of them agreed on the badassery of the lead, who ended being the sole survivor of her crew but felt a little sympathy for the monster, a mother trying to defend her baby monsters. 

Nonetheless, they agreed to see something a little more family friendly next time. 

They were dawdling, neither of them wanting things to be over but neither of them entirely sure how to prolong it; Bertholdt took a longer, more scenic, route home and once they arrived Reiner saw Bertholdt to his door. 

Reiner was twenty-two steps away from his own house, one step away from Bertholdt, closing that distance he leaned forward and placed a kiss on Bertholdt’s cheek. 

“Thank you, for tonight.”

“You’re welcome” Bertholdt replied, breaking into a smile.

\---

 **Annie Leonhart:** sooooo how’d it go?

 **Bertholdt Hoover:** He kissed me

 **Annie Leonhart:** hey hey hey  
**:** give sum deetz? 

**Bertholdt Hoover:** Well, it happened just there, he gave me a kiss on the cheek as he said goodnight.

 **Annie Leonhart:** …

 **Bertholdt Hoover:** Shut up, it was nice.


	15. Two sides of the same coin

If Reiner Braun were to be caught looking anywhere on Bertholdt Hoover’s body, it would more than likely be his hands; they struck a line between strong and delicate that his own crass spades did not. 

This, was one of those times. 

By his mother’s request, Bertholdt was chopping vegetables to prep for that night’s dinner; apart from the slight buzz from the fridge and the chop, chop, chop of Bert’s deft hands the kitchen was devoid of all noise. 

It may have been Reiner’s mother that worked in a hospital but he suspected it was Bertholdt’s whose was the more clinical of the two; equipment, jars, a few products grown from the garden, all labelled and lined in their respective places and returned to their correct spot immediately after their use. All the fixtures were fitted and white in contrast to the black worktops (the sparkly kind that looked like they had galaxies trapped inside). Reiner had his back to the counter, body lax and casual, eyes planned and intentional. 

Bertholdt was the first to break the silence, “What?” 

“What?” Reiner mimicked, playfully. 

“You were staring” Bertholdt said, knowingly, eyes not needing to leave the chop board. 

“Was I?” 

Bert cocked his head to the side and raised his eyebrows in a face that asked ‘really Braun?’ 

It was the sort of face Reiner had come to expect after their first official outing; the type of face he’d seen numerous times when they were younger. 

Contradictory; shy but assured, meek yet unyielding. 

A quiet confidence in himself, in Reiner, in their relationship. A lifebelt that kept Reiner from sinking into the depths of his own loud bravado and from floating into the horizon of into the reality he had fabricated for himself. 

He still remembers that period of time where their friendship lapsed and faded, the other children perplexed by their relationship; How did they become friends? How could they still be friends? They had nothing in common? 

But Reiner had never understood that, the only difference between them was how their fears festered and presented themselves. Bertholdt’s oozed out immediately for everyone to see whilst Reiner’s gnawed and slowly ate at him from the inside. 

Now all that could be heard was the faint humming of the fridge as Bertholdt had stopped chopping, one hand on the board another holding the knife. 

“You still are.” 

In response of the accusation, Reiner tipped Bertholdt’s chin and placed a gentle kiss on his jawline.

“I still am.”

\---

The shuttlecock floated back and forth between Brie and Reiner as they waited for someone to come pick her up from that mornings lesson. Luckily, there was enough time between the first two classes to goof off without disrupting anyone and Brie seemed to enjoy having use of the full court to run around. 

“Oh – go long Brie!” Reiner shouted from across the court, having hit the shuttlecock harder than he normally would when serving against an eight-year-old (even if said eight-year old was a good foot taller than the rest of her peers). 

Brie’s legs got her to the end of the court just as the shuttlecock bounced off the wall then her head and onto the floor. She turned to Reiner pouting and called a time out. They met in the middle of the court where the bags were placed and took a gulp out their respective water bottles (Reiner’s a non-threatening shade of blue stamped with a white logo of the gym in the centre. Brie’s an almost neon green with purple dinosaur’s roaming around the circumference). 

“So who’s coming to pick you up today? Your dad?” 

“Nuh-uh” she shook her head “my brother” 

As casually as he could Reiner replied, “Oh cool”

“Mmm-hmm” she nodded her head with a devilish grin. 

“I don’t trust that face” 

Brie scopes the surrounding area, behind, left and right and scoots closer before she whispers, “Is my brother your boyfriend?”

“What? – why would you think that?”

“I saw the two of you kissing” (though ‘kissing’ sounds more like ‘quissing’ through the pursed kissy face she says it through).

The childish teasing from Brie is distracting background music to the static in his head. 

Twirling the racket between his fingers, Reiner searches for his wording in the exposed beams of the gyms light system. He counts six shuttlecocks logged in the beams and zero words. 

“My lips” she says “are sealed” disposing of an invisible key and before running off adds a quick “not like yours” running off making another kissy face.

\---

Annie and Bertholdt were hunched up in the corner of the social area that they occupied when they weren’t hauled up in the library. 

On the other side of the room was Reiner stretched out in the domain of his friendship circle. Currently making the most of being the first to have arrived, slouched with his phone in his hand to act as a shield in case Annie cottoned on to his staring. 

“Fuck me that was brutal.”

Jean flung himself down beside Reiner with an exasperated sign as he began rummaging around his backpack. 

“Take a look at this Braun.” 

A test paper is splatted onto Reiner’s chest and he spends the next fifteen minutes verifying all of Jean’s answers. 

“Will you stop worrying about that, I already told you, you aced it” Marco pipes in.

“I know; I know” 

Somewhat reassured he folds the paper back into his bag, no doubt for later review. 

“We hittin’ the gym tonight?” Jean asks. 

“Tonight?”

“Yeah…come on man you can’t leave me alone again, things get awkward way quick when it’s just me, Eren and Mikasa. I need you there as my buff buffer.” 

“Ah shit sorry, I forgot. I’ve already got plans” 

“It’s fine.”

\---

It’s fine. 

Blue, the light radiating off the TV was blue. Blurring out his mother’s pupils, the dull light was overflowing in her tired eyes. Bundled up on the couch under a blanket, she looked so small. 

The air inside felt heavy, stale with a stalling silence that was about to be broken. 

“Oh sweetie, you’re home.” She said, as if she hadn’t been waiting up for him.

“I’m home.” He replied, as if hadn’t been waiting for her to fall asleep. 

Rather than ask him to sit, she patted the cushion beside her. 

“What’re you watching?” 

“Who knows, honestly.” 

Fair enough, nothing on screen was particularly captivating, it was that time of night when TV just seemed to exist without anyone or anything in mind. 

“How has your day been?” 

His mother’s question was directed at the retro looking man on screen, walking and talking towards the camera; he was either selling something, doing a comedy skit or filming a documentary. 

“Yeah fine. Just the usual. School, walked Berwick, then went over to – went over to Bert’s”

“Reiner, I’m –" 

She paused and turned herself around, thinking about what to say and how to say it. 

“Reiner, I’ve been seeing someone.” 

Not quite exactly what he’d been expecting to hear… 

Last week’s scene replayed in his head, the signs might have been more blatant if he hadn’t had been so fixated on his own date. Still, the information caught him off guard and it seemed enough to defuse the tension in the room. 

“I wasn’t sure how to tell you, I know you’re a grown-up and it’s been years now but – I still love your father. I always will and that will never change.” 

Lifting up her son’s chin she delivers the next words with her hands between his cheeks,

“and you, I will always love you no matter what, okay?” 

He nods as much as he can between her loving grip.

“I thought I should have told you first or that we should have talked about it at least. I got scared and I lashed out at you and that wasn’t okay. It’s never okay. Especially not then, after you told me something so important.” 

As soon as she was finished speaking her hands moved from his cheeks to his back and pulled him in for a tighter hug than a woman of her size should have been capable of giving. 

“He does too you know. He loves you no matter what, I know it.” 

A silent tear fell from Reiner’s right eye, his mother caught it, they sat like that for a few more minutes not needing to say anything.


	16. Pompeii

Only once Reiner was bundled up beside Bertholdt on his bedroom floor; shoulder to shoulder and knees leaning against the other does he being to question whether he’s grown legitimately fond for horror films. Failing that, the list of things he’d subject himself to for the sake of Bertholdt’s happiness had increased. At this current moment in time, he finds himself subjected to yet another drearily shot flick of a couple who may want the deposit for their house back.

“Can you hear it okay?” Bertholdt asks, sitting so close that Reiner feels the question press against his cheek. 

“Yeah, I’m good.”

The volume was set to a gentle lull almost drowned out by the heavy rain outside (the closed captions were on which helped both of them keep up with what was happening).

In a few minutes they would have the house to themselves. Bertholdt’s parents had booked a romantic weekend getaway to celebrate their wedding anniversary and Brie was sleeping over at a friends house. 

There was a quick chap on Bert’s half open door as his mother leaned her body in, one hand holding onto the door frame. Consciously, Reiner readjusted himself, his slack knee now upright and relaxed shoulder stiffened. 

“Just make sure to keep it down and don’t stay up all night.” 

She closed the door over once goodbyes were said and with that Reiner melted back in place.

\---

As night fell, the heaven’s opened, an unending pitter-pattered score to their movie marathon. Neither of them were paying much attention to what was happening on screen. The movie seemed almost inaudible now, it served more purpose as a night-light than anything else. Honestly, Reiner couldn’t even tell which number they were on at this point, they had all sort of melded into one in his mind. As movie number something or other came to an end Bertholdt unstuck himself from Reiner’s side to select another. 

“Alright, let’s see, what should we pretend to watch next?”

Reiner smirked as he watched Bertholdt grab a movie at random from his remarkable collection. At this point it hardly mattered. The night had felt different from the get go (a good kind of different). Once they were completely alone a tentative exploration of their newly expanded physical boundaries had begun. Reiner had been the one to initiate things; he took Bert’s hand and softly traced the outlines of his veins, bones, joints before he laced their fingers together. Then, part way into their third or fourth movie, Reiner had to stop himself from nodding off as Bertholdt ran his hands along the base of his neck. 

Now on to movie number whatever Bertholdt’s hand had moved behind Reiner’s right ear, slowly touching. Almost ticklish. Sleep no longer beckoned. Reiner’s hand found a new spot on Bertholdt’s thigh. Instinctively they turned and studied one another. Reiner revised Bertholdt’s face; a sloping nose that verged on being a tad too long. Thin upper lip. Eyes that weren’t the vivid green of a budding forest but of a forgotten mossy grove. Reiner was utterly captivated. 

Earlier Reiner had kissed him, in the kitchen, on the chin. He felt compelled to the same here and now. Kiss his chin. Kiss his cheeks. Kiss his forehead. Kiss his overly long nose. As Reiner planned his route around Bertholdt’s face his own was being cupped as Bertholdt leaned in, ignoring all pit stops and landing on his lips. Once, twice and on the third peck Reiner kissed back, bursting alight. A glorious fire erupted between them melting and melding them together. Happily, Reiner would happily be buried underneath a thick carpet of volcanic ash; to be preserved and undiscovered here with Bertholdt forever. Not even the roaring rain from the heaven’s above could extinguish the blaze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologises, It has been so long since I've updated and then when I do the chapter is super short. I've been incredibly busy these past few months and the next few are going to be even crazier but I am determined to see this fic through to the end!

**Author's Note:**

> I have written anything even remotely creative in about 3/4 years but I needed more Reibert in my life.
> 
> Kudos, comments and constructive criticisms are all greatly appreciated :-)


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